September

Friday, September, 19th 2008 at 8:08pm

Yesterday I took it upon myself to get a massive amount of things done, spurred on by three things. The first of my inspirations was that the floor is dirty, and I hate a dirty floor, but I also hate having to move a piece of furniture for each square foot of the floor that I clean. I’ve been wanting to do something about the dust accumulations for a long time, but wasn’t about to move the chair to move the table to move the sorting bins all around a tight corner just to clean underneath them.
The second inspiration was the final removal of the said chair. The giant black chair that aunt Mary gave me. At first it seemed like a nice thing. You know, it’s black, and soft, and somewhat comfortable. Then I got it up here and noticed it was quite large for the space, but oh well, who cares right? After tripping over it for the last two years, it’s finally been carted out of here on Wednesday, which inspired to me to finally get something done in my room about the mess.
The third inspiration is that Angel will be visiting soon, and I don’t want to have her stay up here when it’s been looking like it has. I mean, what good is a “no shoes” rule when the floor is already dirty? What good is it to say “put things back where they came from” when they came from some place they shouldn’t have been in the first place?
Now there were plenty of other reasons for finally getting into action yesterday, but those were the immediate changes that allowed me to really do the things I’ve been wanting to do. Crusifer also has been complaining for months that his computer station isn’t comfortable, and that it’s cramped and inconvenient. I’ve been wanting more floor space desperately for more space to exercise and dance in, and I wasn’t too thrilled with my computer station either.
When you put that all together you end up with a complete do-over of the entire room. This do-over included carrying four boards up stairs that I picked out for their smooth finishes and their correct lengths and widths for my purpose, which involved three trips up and down the stairs. It also included a trip down the two flights of stairs for my broom that I loaned my mom that is now gone with the rest of the brooms into no-where land, so I settled on the mini-vacuum.
I mixed some organic multi-purpose cleaning solution that I recently bought in an empty water bottle with tap water. I pulled out my un-used floor scrubber. I shut-down and closed both the laptops. I changed into plain black shorts and a reality-check shirt, leg warmers and sneakers. I put my hair in a bun, and then, I was ready to carry out the crazy plans I had concocted.
Crusifer’s “desk” had been made up of two “coffee tables” or perhaps “end tables” sitting next to each other. They were too low and didn’t allow legs to be put under them. After moving his gigantic speaker set (about ten minutes of work alone), his monitor, computer tower and this very heavy double-drawer thingy that was sitting under the monitor off the end tables I then stacked the end tables in the middle of the room. Then I had to move my entire desk-top set-up which was similar, minus the heavy speakers. Then for the area beside the bed I moved two drawer stands, more plastic sorter thingys that were much smaller, my art table, two lamps, the air conditioner and so forth.
Then there was the scrubbing business in the cleaned out areas. (All of the said work so far took about six hours.) And then there was putting everything back together in a new order. I used three plastic drawer stands of the same height to support a long board from downstairs to make Crusifer’s new “desk.” I used to the two wooden end tables to make my new bed-side area. I put the computer set-ups back together only centered around the laptops instead of the desk-tops since the desktops are still both in a deep sleep... And I moved my desk, and so forth...
In conclusion, after eight hours of physical labor and a two hour nap... I feel like I have a new room. There is much more floor space, everything is much more easily available, Crusifer loves it, and well, I’m still tired a whole day later. Well, not so much tired as a bit sore. When I finished the last details off today I danced around vigorously as though I was full of energy... For about five minutes, and then collapsed on my bed in a sweaty mess.
Needless to say, I’m proud of myself, Crusifer is proud of me, and the room is much more ready to have a guest in it for a week. That was probably a really boring entry, but I felt like writing and that was all that came to mind to write about, heh.

Saturday, September, 20th 2008 at 12:33am

Crusifer isn’t here. I don’t think he’s out being stupid or anything, but it still greatly displeases me that something has yet again taken priority over me. I’d like to stew about it, but then again, I’d really like to not stew over it. *sigh*
I think I’m going to make a new “project playlist” full of my favorite dance music to work out to on all my new-found floor space... 1:12am and I now have 15 tracks on my dance playlist including songs by Kat Deluna, System of a Down, Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Finger Eleven and others. Now I’m tired of that and think I’m going to play Saga. Crusifer still isn’t home.
Well, that was fun for a short while, now it’s 1:40am and he still isn’t here and I’m... Bereft of any sort of... Yeah. I really don’t feel like doing anything, except perhaps eating, and that doesn’t really count as doing something, now does it? Perhaps I shall practice my Japanese some more...




























Monday, September, 22nd 2008 at 8:54pm

Topic: Video Games
Debate: Graphics vs. Game Play
I disagree with the main populace on this count. As long as the graphics are not BAD then I consider game play much, much, much more important. And when I say bad, I mean, terribly clashing colors everywhere, things that you can't tell what they are, etc. If you can clearly see what things are supposed to be, and the images are clean even if they are simple and dull, then that's fine with me.
I've actually only recently come to this conclusion however. I used to think all the new graphics games had were so amazing, but I find myself going back to the older more original, faster games with less graphics. For example, Final Fantasy 12 would be a great game if I didn't have to watch all those damn movies about what is going on. I want to interact, not watch movies. And while the images are fun, and Fran is a hot character, most of the time I'm looking at my health bar and my spells menu, not Fran's ass. (I'm a bi-chick by the way if you're getting confused right now.)
In conclusion, I think too much graphics becomes a draw back at some point. I'd rather they took out half the money they spent on graphics in these new games and spent it on better game concepts and better programming and speeding things up. I'd much rather have no loading time and no lag and basic graphics than awesome graphics and a 10 second wait after every room-change, save and load, etc.
While I’m on the topic of video games, Colonization is being remade in the Civilization IV engine and is coming out TOMORROW! I’m so excited I could freaking piss myself.
In response to an article I just read about how violent games increase violent activity:
I think this one should come as a "duh" but based on the first comment, I guess we need researchers to point out the obvious for us. I'm a non-violent person, and I don't enjoy violent games for the most part. I like games that allow me to make peace and to have alliances and to build things and collect resources. Everything about my personality reflects this. You'll notice in a typical "hood" household, they play games like halo and other shooting games. In a typical "dork" household, fantasy games are played. And in a typical "smart" household, strategy games are played. And in a very peaceful home you'll probably find harmless card games played by the whole family. I can support this with every single person I've met in my entire life and I think it ought to be obvious that adults and children and teenagers are ALL capable of being affected by their environment, and while playing a video game, that IS your environment. Yes, children are more susceptible to being more affected in long-run development, but that too, should also be obvious.
Awesome article, despite the obviousness.











Monday, September, 22nd 2008 at 10:24pm

Despite some difficulties with Angel’s parents and uncle, Angel will be arriving tomorrow around 8pm according to my mom’s calculations. We talked on the phone for the first time today and Angel expressed concerns that her uncle didn’t want her to go because of the possibility of me being some sort of stalker or something (Angel lives in Arizona by the way) and that of course is understandable.
My mom, since then, has spoken with him and he’s now changed his mind. So tomorrow will indeed be an interesting day. I hope her plane rides are uneventful, safe and not too dull.

Tuesday, September, 23rd 2008 at 1:13am

It’s one in the morning and Crusifer isn’t here. Saturday he got home at 4:00am and never told me what happened. Wednesday he left saying he’d only be fifteen minutes and didn’t come back for eight hours. (Noon to eight o’clock.) And he never told me what happened that time either. Not that I didn’t ask, but that he won’t answer. This is really a troublesome pattern. Neither time did he come home drunk or bruised or missing anything, so it’s nothing of that sort...
But now, it’s 1:15am and he’s not here again... The third time in less than seven days. This is getting a bit ridiculous. I don’t know what to think.
And to top it off, this is the last night we would have had alone together in private for seven days now. Angel will be here tomorrow night and will remain until the following Tuesday. I wish I could shout inside his head and tell him how I feel right here and now. All, telepathic communication, what a useless desire.






















Tuesday, September, 23rd 2008 at 5:46pm

Ayian writes me;
Oh well... I know I should quit. When I go back to school I think it'll cool down a little more-- I need my head to study anyway. Weed and mushrooms are probably my most favorite vice... Better than sex, even.
You've been writing about him an awful lot lately... Ever talk to your mom about the jerk? I'd bash his face in for you if I was your neighbor. I'd be all "hey, you dick, treat your girl better before I cut you into tiny pieces and feed you to the fish!" Or something equally threatening... Anyway, I hate seeing him do this to you. I know you've been together for quite some time and you love him and all that jazz... but honestly, he doesn't sound right for you like he did before. Even you think that-- believe it or not. Ah.., Darling, I wish you lived here with me. Here there are people who would treat your right and love you unconditionally. They're just as quirky and weird as you, and they love the subculture you do, and share the same fears about sugar. I'd have a spot you'd fit right in and not have to worry about ass-holes. <3 Ayian

I write back;
Ayian,
It’s been a long time since we’ve really communicated with each other. As you’ve obviously noticed, I went through a serious depression revolving around Crusifer for a month or two there. Summer has never been the highlight of the year for me, and this summer was no exception. This summer I’ve gotten flees, but managed to avoid sun-burn, attended the eerie-county fair but missed ever going to an amusement park or Shakespear in the park. My social life did actually grow to include one friend; Matt, who seemed to be a turning point in my summer all by himself.
How was your summer? Your blog is allusive and tends to talk more about some fluttering event rather than actually explaining anything about anything...
My mom not only lives in the same house as “the jerk” but she also reads my blog and her and I do talk about Crusifer from time to time. Mostly, I feel like, for better or for worse, I need to put him on the right path. He’s continued to grow throughout our relationship, and time and time again I’ll find him using my arguments in sincerity with other people or back against me. And each time I’m amazed to find that his logic is changing and growing.
Time made both Jeremy and I grow apart, and the same for Tre and I. My growth with Jeremy was for the better, but not necessarily for the better of our relationship, and the same goes for my personal growth when I was with Tre. It’s hard to say in terms of Jeremy, but for Tre, I know the experience changed him dramatically and helped him become a stronger and more worthwhile person. This time though, after a year and a half, despite all the steps backwards along the way, Crusifer and I are still growing towards each other.
I’m sure there are many places out there better suited for me than here, but in order to leave everything behind I’d need to be entirely independent, both financially, mentally and emotionally, and I am none of those at this time.