Hooking Up

Sunday, August, 17th 2008 at 10:27pm

Chris, one of the two random guys I slept with at con-con during my slutty phase when I was fourteen sent me an Instant Message today on AIM. We made small talk for a while, and at some point he said;
“Well im glad you didn’t know you were hot but you are its to bad your not single ... oh yeah and im not ether... im joining the army soon”
I said, “Interesting.”
He added with a chuckle, “So i would need a army wife. my gf said she wont stay with me when i join so ill be single by September ninth.”
I was surprised by this, and I said, “Wow. Five years not that important to you huh? Then again, I've lived with each of my boyfriends so that does change things.”
He said simply, “The Army is more.”
I said, “When you get close to me, there is no separation without heartbreak on both sides.”
He answered, “I live with her and love her don’t get me wrong. But she hates the army to the point she is willing to through it away.”
Thoughtful, I reply, “And you want to be in it enough to throw it away. That's very interesting indeed. One or both of you clearly doesn't love the other enough. If she loved you more, she'd support your dream. If you loved her more, then you'd change your dream. If you both loved each other more, then you'd come up with something fulfilling for both of you without separation.
“I believe that if a couple really loves each other enough then they won't have problems because they will be so willing to bend and change in accordance with the other person.
“It's a shame that my man doesn't love me quite enough for that.”
He asked, “What do you want him to do?”
I smile and answer, “Care about my feelings in every aspect instead of getting angry at me when I express a negative feeling towards one or more of his actions or the world's actions. I understand he wants a more positive person sometimes, but a more compassionate and positive way to express that would be to say, "hey sweetie, can you not be so negative right now?" or "hey love, I understand where you're coming from, but can you express that in a more positive light?" .”

Random thought at midnight;
I wonder if humans could turn so much of the earth into trash, and then send that trash into space, that over time, the planet would get smaller and smaller, and eventually throw off it’s orbit from size-change...













Monday, August, 18th 2008 at 1:49am

I just watched an episode of The Tyra Banks Show which was all about “hooking up” and what it means. The conclusion pretty much was that it used to mean meeting up, or making out, or going out, but in modern adult terms, it almost always means having sex, but that fact that it doesn’t always mean that allows the term to stay neutral enough to use without disclosing any details.
The audience was (of course) surprised when a fourteen year old girl revealed that most the girls she knew were having oral sex by eleven years old, and most were having sex by the time they were fourteen, and pretty much all were making out and other “innocent” things. Any of my readers know which category I belong to... *sigh*
Do I regret my past? Sometimes. Only until I remember that it’s made me who I am, and that it’s taught me so much. (Crusipher arrives at 1:53am.)
Anyway, what was it I wanted to write about? Ah yes. There were two excellent points made on this episode. One point was made by a black woman of thirty-two years. She said (to a slightly younger white woman on the stage with her) “You talk about how you want to be free while you’re young, because you’re going to have to be tied down later. But who is going to want to be tied down with someone who has already been had by everyone else?”
I think the funny part about this is how flat this point begins to fall when you look at the ridiculous number of people we’ve all slept with by age twenty-five. Crusipher and I are both in the double-digits... Not something I’m proud of in the least. (Interestingly a beautiful white woman in her thirties remarked on “the number” the same way I do. She mentioned how sometimes an ex doesn’t feel as bad as a new guy because it doesn’t bring the number up. I didn’t realize my feeling on the number was such a universal thing in women.)
The other really good point was made by a couple different people in slightly different ways. An elderly white female author spoke up and put the word love into the air. It was one of the few times the word was said aloud on the show, and the only time it was said with gravity. The woman looked like she was going to cry when she said that it seemed as though this generation has divorces sex and love, and I couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t have agreed in the past, but that was part of the journey of my promiscuousness; learning that sex and love by themselves aren’t very satisfying, but together, are freaking amazing... And addictive.
I wish they had gone deeper into one or both of these points, or better yet, connected the two points. I’m young now, and have the capability to be “free” as so many people think is worth so much. But I’ll be damned if I waste my years looking hot throwing it at any random man when I could be giving it out only to the one person I deem worthy to be my husband. And if one possibility doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean I throw myself at the next sex object, that means I scour the planet for the next possible husband.
It’s not being “tied down,” it’s being love and happy and complete. Why does everyone think it’s so freaking wonderful to be fucking with no strings attached? As though that feels amazing or something. As if that makes you sleep better at night...
My point is, that while you’re young, you should be looking for the person you want to be tied to, not looking for the next piece of ass. No one guaranteed that you’ll get the privilege of being tied down to anybody. Actually, no, you will get to be tied down – by friends, by work, by society, by family and by all sorts of things. No one said you’d get the privilege of being in love.
That’s the key here. Who gives a damn about anything else when love is at stake? In all honesty, nobody cares about anything else when what they love most is at stake, therefore, that should be the foremost priority in everyone’s lives. “Hooking up” with random people gives you nothing whatsoever of note, and does put you in all sorts of risks. Being young and free is worthless if you spend it partying. I’ll preach that one until I die.