An Open Relationship? Hm.

Tuesday, August, 26th 2008 at 2:55pm

I really like The Tyra Show, though I’m deleting more episodes than I’m watching these days. Too many episodes are mostly about fat people and their depression or pretty people who feel ugly or episodes about fashion and make up. So those episodes I’m deleting, and only watching the ones about controversial topics or about topics I could really stand to learn more about. I just watched an episode about teens having sex in school and it makes me wish I was on that episode talking about it from my perspective which is never really well represented on TV at all.
I went on to the website to see what topics Tyra wants people to share their story on and one of them was open relationships, so I submitted the following to the website:

Hey Tyra,
I used to want an open relationship very badly, so when I met my current boyfriend almost two years ago now, we tried to have one. He agreed to it because he liked me, not because he wanted an open relationship, but he didn't tell me that until later. He actually lied to me and told me he was sleeping with other girls when he wasn't to try to make me jealous because he wanted to see if I cared about him or not. I hid my jealousy and hurt feelings from him because I thought that one major reason he was with me was because I was allowing him to sleep with other girls. He thought the same thing about me. I slept with my ex during the first month of our relationship because we were trying an "open relationship" and I made out with another guy.
Three months into the relationship, when I was on a road trip with my Dad, I got drunk with the friends of a female internet friend. My Dad went out with a couple of the guys to play pool and left me with my female internet friend and her friends. One of the guys was decent looking, and after I got pretty drunk I decided I would sleep with him. I think I mostly did this because I could, and not because I wanted to. I wanted to feel the rush of having an open relationship and sleeping outside of my relationship.
I soon found out how wrong I was. The sex was bad, and the guy took off his condom while we were having sex, and I was too drunk to stop him or complain though I was vaguely aware of it happening. Afterwards I couldn’t stop vomiting, and because I couldn’t stand up I would crawl on hands and knees into the bathroom. I tore holes in the knees of my favorite jeans, and slept in an awkward position with my phone under my hip bone which left a bruise for several weeks.
After that I quit drinking, and I was done with sleeping outside of the relationship, but I was still afraid that my boyfriend wouldn’t want to be with me anymore if he couldn’t sleep with other girls, so I told him I didn’t want to sleep outside of the relationship, but that he still could. Every month or so he’d tell me a story about how he slept with some girl, and every time it hurt me more than the last. Then, almost an exact year from the time I slept with the guy while I was on the trip, he came home and told me about a girl he slept with in vivid detail.
For some reason, this particular time made me snap. I cried all night, and practically all week. Months later I was still hurt and still upset. I finally told my boyfriend how I felt and that I wanted him to be completely mine. He told me he wouldn’t have sex with other girls anymore and that he didn’t know how hurt I had been. That was about five or six months ago now, but just last month he told me that all the girls he said he slept with were lies to make me jealous, all except for that last one, the one that made me snap. I must have somehow instinctually known something was different about that time.
I’ve had threesomes before and have always been promiscuous. I lost my virginity at twelve years old and I have had sex inside of school and in other public places. Anyone who knows me would never have guessed how much all of this has changed me. Now I just want to be loyal to one man more than anything and the thought of cheating or of an open relationship just makes me feel sick. I don’t want to share my man with anyone or to be shared. I wish I could make other people see how wonderful it is to just have one person who loves you who you can love back. Sex is an expression of love, and if there is no love involved, then the sex is empty.

Another topic Tyra wants people to share their story on is people who can’t stay single, and I’m definitely one of those people. So here is my letter about that;

Hello Tyra,
I have not been single for more than a month since I was with my first boyfriend in eighth grade. My first relationship didn’t involve sex, but it lasted six months, and it was with a guy my own age in my class. I met another guy at my church youth group who was a couple years older than me and more interested in the same types of things as me. I didn’t really like my first boyfriend very much and was trying to figure out how to break up with him, so I made up my mind and gave him a letter telling him how much I hated him. (It was really mean, but I was only 11 so I didn’t really know much of any better. He retaliated by spreading all sorts of terrible rumors about me at school.)
My second boyfriend and I went out for six months as well starting around my twelfth birthday (with only one day separating my break up and our starting to go out) while I was still in eighth grade. We were both virgins and both really wanted to have sex, and we were both aware that we mostly were going out because we wanted to have sex. After six months of kissing and holding hands and groping, one day when his parents weren’t home and nobody knew I was at his house, we had sex. After that, mission was accomplished and we broke up.
My next boyfriend was black, which introduced me to interracial relationships. I was only single for about a month before we started going out. We never slept together and eventually we broke up mutually after about four months. The next guy I started dating about a week later, and we went out for about a week and I dumped him because I thought he was lame. The next was about two weeks later, and I really liked him. I wasn’t very world-aware yet, since I was either almost thirteen or just turned thirteen at the time, and I didn’t know until years later that he was a drug dealer and a very violent person. Him and I dated for six months as well before we slept together, and he dumped me, but then we continued to sleep together anyway... I was very horny while going through puberty and I made a bad name for myself that entire following summer.
The next boyfriend I dated for two years, and I that was my first love. We dated from the time I was fourteen until I was sixteen, and then he broke up with me because I showed too much interest in other men and wasn’t committed enough for him. I was heartbroken, as we all are after our first love. I met my next boyfriend a month later, and we slept together the first night we really hung out and ended up dating for the next two years, sixteen until I was almost eighteen, but then I broke up with him because it turned out he was stealing from me, lying to me, and he was also becoming more and more abusive towards me both verbally and physically. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but there came a point where enough was enough and I stood up for myself and made him go.
Another month later I met the guy I am dating now, and we also slept together the first night we met. I liked him a lot and we continued to hang out and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve been together now for a year and nine months now. I know that if things don’t work out between us that I won’t be single more than a month just like before because I don’t know how to deal with the heartbreak on my own, and I don’t like not having someone to love and to touch and take care of and to also take care of me and talk to and so on and so forth. Sometimes I do feel like it’s a problem, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking love and being in love and enjoying that.

It would be cool to be on The Tyra Show, and to meet Tyra so I thought I’d write her, and I have, so we’ll see if I get contacted or not. I don’t really expect anything to come of it.