Song of the Beast

Friday, August, 29th 2008 at 12:09am

So I decided when I logged onto AOL to talk to Dionn on IM and see what was up.
I said shortly into our conversation, “I don't really chill very often. Sometimes I think I don't know what "chilling" really is to most people. Though I'm going to Adventure Cards and Comics to do a version of "chilling" tomorrow.”
She answered, “Chilling and hanging out are the same thing.”
I said, “It's not that I don't know the definition, but more that I don't really do either like other people do nor enjoy it the same way. For example, Crusipher has this friend El who is always telling me I have no life. And El is the sort of person who goes out and drinks a lot, and talks to a lot of people all the time. He thinks this means he has a life, but to me, that sounds like the most boring and unfun thing I could possibly do with myself. He also does a lot of biking, skate-boarding and other sports, which doesn't interest me at all. So his version of chilling doesn't apply to me in any way at all.”
She replied, “I’m the type of person that has fun just not being at home.”
I said, “My brother's son, Mike, likes to play his guitar and play video games, which are mostly first person shooter games or fighting games. He also likes going to the movies. None of that appeals to me at all, so I don't fit into his version of chilling either. And as you've just told me, chilling to you is going out and being somewhere, where as I, most often prefer to be home. Therefor, I don't apply to almost any normal standard of hanging out or chilling. And hence, while I know the definition, the concept is still a little foreign to me.”
She said, “I am also the type of person that can chill at a persons house all day and do nothing.”
I said to Dionn, “I could do that, but I wouldn't. Not unless I was having the most interest discussion in the world.”
Dionn said, “You sound like you dont wanna do anything unless its got something to with you boyfriend or family.”
I answered, “Nah, not that. I like to draw and do things on my computer mostly. They don't work well in groups. My main group activity is board games.”
Her response was, “You seem to not like people anymore.”
I snorted and answered, “Not that either, I've just adapted to myself. I've realized that most people don't like to do what I like to do, and that I enjoy myself more on my own than I do around people I have nothing in common with. Too many people I meet have nothing to teach me and are unwilling to learn. I consider a good relationship one where there is a lot of learning involved. If neither party is learning anything then I won't hang around for long.”
She said, “That is the difference I love being around people that are different than I am. The world is filled with many different kinds of people that think differently than I do and I wanna meet them.”
I said, “It depends on what sort of different. In Buffalo there is a tremendous abundance of people who are different from me in the following ways: they don't care about their health, they love parties and drugs, and they put making money before loved ones Those are three things that really drive me nuts, and on top of that, the smell of cigarettes gives me a splitting headache within only a few moments of contact. And way too many people smoke.”
Dionn said, “Im trying to do better with my health my family is filled with people who have diseases that could have been pre vented by the right diet and exercise, I don’t drink and smoke and family comes first.”
I laugh inwardly and say, “Well, I never said YOU were like those people, I was just saying that's one of the main reasons I don't go out much.”


Friday, August, 29th 2008 at 12:20am

Well Crusipher still isn’t home and that displeases me. He hasn’t called. Tuesday he was very late after promising up and down that morning not to be. I forgave him because we working on a very detailed tattoo that he was very excited about. Though nothing can fix the candles that burned for two hours while I waited and sitting there in my stockings and lingerie just like he asked. He called at 11:00pm to tell me he wouldn’t be home for about an hour and didn’t make it until almost three in the morning.
I just said to Will, “Crusipher is late without explanation again...”
Will answered knowingly, “Uh oh.”
I sigh and say, “Yeah... I just sigh now. There is little point in being angry about it. Have you been reading my blog these days?”
He answered, “Yep... Sounds awful that you've gotten to this point.”
I think about that for a moment and say, “It's hard to say. He's still improving.”
Will, baffled by this, said, “Hm?”
I grin to myself and answer, “He actually wants to quit drinking now. He's more focused on the important aspects of life. He defends me to his friends now. I think he's starting to think like me, (because I'm more logical than he has been and he's too smart to deny it forever) and that is very encouraging. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I mean, of course I'll still be crushed if it doesn't work out.”
I can almost see him nodding as he says, “Yeah, it's hard to let go after all this.”
With an air of hope I say, “But I take arguments and such much more lightly and give in more easily and throw up my hands more often or just shut my mouth and stop talking a lot more. No point is getting worked up over every little thing. The underlying fact remains that I'm more comfortable with him than I would be without him, so that if nothing else will keep me with him unless that somehow changes.”
I begin to think that if I give Crusipher enough time to grow and change and adapt that he will become the husband I’ve been dreaming of. It’s inside of him, but can he bring it out and keep it there for the rest of time? I suppose time will only tell...
Back to Dionn, I said to her a bit later;
“Yeah, Fridays is pretty much my chill day where I hang out with the only people I generally hang out with at all, except Tina because she has a two month old baby right now. And since Mott is at the card shop, that's where I stay. I'm learning to play Dungeons and Dragons. And since Crusipher works at Hardcore Tattoo, I sometimes get to eat lunch with him.
Dionn replied, “Cool, see you tomorrow then.”
I smile and answer, “Call me when you get there. I'll either be in the card shop, eating at ETS, getting food at Wilson farms, inside the tattoo shop or on the Bidwell parkway sitting on the grass, all of which are within two blocks of the card shop. Are you interested in playing D&D?”
She said, “Cool. I don’t know what that is ...but I am open to new things.”
So I guess I’ll be seeing Dionn tomorrow for the first time since freshmen year. The interesting thing about that is that I picked out a pair of pants for tomorrow that I almost have not worn in just as long. Tomorrow should be an interesting day. I guess I should get settled for the night.
On a completely unrelated topic, I just finished reading “Song of the Beast” by Carol Berg, and the book was so marvelous. I cried towards the end. It’s a very good book filled with everything a good fantasy book should have. There were mythical creatures, twisting and turning characters with a deep plot, and all sorts of things to keep you thinking and wondering. I recommend it to anybody who likes a good action-filled fantasy book.