Gem,
The is so key Gem! The kids with working parents grow up valuing money and things over people and love. I think that is a very key problem and I couldn’t agree more. The children who say, “I was just fine at home by myself” often would have been happier if their parents were around but didn’t know that they would be. Not that they should be “smothered” but there is such a fine line. I also enjoyed alone time all to myself as a kid, but alone time couldn’t compare to quality time with my parents, even if there is a limit to how much time parents and kids can spend together before it becomes smothering.
Hallie,
I was late in discovering that I was happier alone than with other kids. Because they never liked me, I thought that I wanted to be around someone who would like me. And of course, it is nice when someone likes you, but I find (as I’ve written several times) that one man is enough and no friends are needed if the man is up for the task at hand.
You are one of those cases where a parent needs to take their child as an individual and realize that just because it was best for themselves growing up, or good for their cousins or friend’s children, doesn’t mean it’s going to be good for their child. I’m also a huge supporter of individualization, and I understand that not all children will thrive on home schooling like I did, and not all children will thrive on stay-at-home parenting the way I did. But I think this also has a lot to do with the parent. If you’re mother had been passionate about staying at home and raising you, then you would have been an entirely different person because she was an entirely different person, and you probably would have grow up respecting her for that instead. Not necessarily, but I would think so.
Amanda,
You are completely correct! I have no experience what-so-ever with children. However, as much as I value experience as a whole, experience does not necessarily imply justified decisions, and lack of experience does not necessarily imply ignorance (in my experience, tee-hee.) For example, one of the worst mothers I know is a kindergarten teacher (in my opinion.) Her children are the most spoiled brats on the planet and her form of discipline is completely untenable. She will very calmly say “no, don’t do that,” over and over and the child will never pay any mind what-so-ever. This may perhaps be actually because she’s a kindergarten teacher, because I know how hard it is for teachers to impose discipline without getting in trouble for being too harsh.
And one of the best parents I ever met (a aunt through marriage to one of my uncles on my Dad’s side) was a mother who took absolutely no bull shit from her kids ever. She always had a rational explanation for every rule she set for them and provided this explanation without being asked. She was strict, but she was also fun. Her children are grown up now and they all are still very close to her, and it’s clear that they all respect and love each other. She said to me, “child raising is like second nature and honestly it was the easiest thing I ever did.” Or something along those lines. I knew that she didn’t mean it was easy to do all the labor and to keep up the energy to do all the little tasks, but rather, it was so fulfilling to raise them, to watch them grow, that it gave her the energy to use all of her common sense and experience to raise them in a consistent and logical environment.
From every example of parent and child I’ve seen, I’ve seen several key things that you have to have right in order to “successfully” raise your children. First and foremost, you gotta give them plenty of love and understanding, which means taking them as an individual, treating them the age that they behave, and accepting them for who they are. Second, and almost as important, is the right amount of discipline. Too much and it just becomes abusive and harmful, too little and they become spoiled, lazy and contemptuous. Third, being consistent. No rule changing, unless there is a damn good reason for it, and in that case, it should be discussed with the child at length. Lack of consistency will also make them contemptuous, and I know, because one of my biggest qualms with my upbringing was the lack of consistency.
Fourth, inspiring them. Instead of saying, “go do the dishes,” when they’re old enough to do it, and old enough to understand what you mean when you say to go do it, give them an inspiring reason. Make it a challenge, make it a game, give a reason, give a motivation, do it with them. Nothing is inspiring if you’re not doing it with them, from my point of view. I fully intend to do all housework and exercise with my children, every single time, from birth, even when they get more in the way than help. This will help them understand how things get done, and give them a sense of schedule and togetherness and team work, right from the beginning.
Health, is pretty much included in all of those, and another foremost concern of mine, as well as education. Educating them on health and keeping their health optimum is part of disciplining them and loving them and inspiring them, and two of the most important things to keep consistent. While I may have little to none experience with real-live children to back this up, I’m quite sure my concepts are correct and that I will be able to shape them, alter them, trim them and expand them as my children grow. Also, Tina’s baby is getting older and I will be able to learn through her in the mean time.
Tater,
I hate it when that happens! I save everything before I post it, be a comment or an entry or an anything. Then again, in this house things are always getting disconnected, unplugged or a fuse blows. I’ve lost probably around 150 pages worth of typed writing over the years and I’ve learned that lesson well!
I agree that the father can just as well be a stay at home dad, but I’m not interested in a career myself so that wouldn’t end up working for me personally. It’s not something I think about much because of that, but one parent at home in general is better than a nanny or a public school in my opinion.
In terms of home-schooling, you’re absolutely right about not being half-assed! I have every intention of being as complete as possible. I have a bunch of projects outlined for them such as the following:
1. Create your own board game. Board game must work and take at least half an hour to play. Assignment should take one to six months depending on their age and should be repeated once every two or three years if appropriate.
2. 3D-model your bedroom to scale in Maya. Should take about one week.
3. Homework: One art-work each week from age two until they day they move out. Art work will be on any subject and with any supplies desired once a month. The other three weeks will be on a given topic with a given medium.
4. Homework: One book-report weekly or bi-weekly (depending on age and on book) from the time they can read until the day they move out. One assignment out of four will be on any book they choose. This should be typed from the moment they can type (which will be as young as I can teach them.)
5. Homework: One short story, poem or essay weekly or bi-weekly (depending on age and assignment) from the time they are old enough to type until the day they move out. One assignment out of four will be with any content they choose.
6. Homework: At least five journal entries a week, at least a certain length depending on their age (half a typed or so for six to eight, a whole typed page or so for nine to thirteen, two typed pages for fourteen to the day they move out. Those are just length estimates however. Perhaps a certain length for the entire week... I’ll decide that detail later.)
7. Daily exercise. May be any of the following: ice skating, biking, roller-blading, any sport, or sparring against each other or myself. On days where any sport, equipment or particular weather is not available they will resort to doing yoga with me and/or their siblings and/or sparing with me and/or their siblings.
8. Daily health. At least one thing cooked and/or prepared by themselves and/or with me each day and a review of the health benefits of the meal and/or why certain ingredients were used instead of other unhealthy ingredients.
9. Weekly or bi-weekly shopping trip. The children will get money or money-credits depending on my evaluation of them at that time to spend on their food, toys and/or clothing. I intend of them having their own budget of their expenses (not including toilet paper and other things the entire household will always be using) so they have an idea of how income and spending works from an early age. If they want to buy more of a certain juice and less of certain meal or snack, then we will evaluate the health ramifications and the budget together to see if that is logical and/or possible. This will allow them a level of control of their surroundings.
And so on, and so on, and so forth. I have a zillion ideas and those that I’ve listed are pretty much the most set in stone. I’d also like them to build their own computer, to watch certain educational programs, use certain books as a study, give them a diverse understanding of religions and take them to various churches, etc.
I believe that I will not be a half-ass home schooling parent. Do you concur?
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