Christmas Entry

Thursday, December, 25th 2008 at 3:29pm

This morning, as I requested last night, My Boyfriend woke me up to sex. Why did I request this? First off, I knew it’d be a good way to start the day. Second, I believed correctly that having planned on it; I’d dream of sex. And I did. (I dreamed My Boyfriend was fucking me in the ass and that it felt amazing... Odd dream, but very arousing.)
So we had sex. It was good sex. It was a perfect Christmas morning; all up until moments after it was over; he tells me he’s going to head over to his mom’s house. Do I have a problem with him going to his mother’s house? Of course not!
That’s not the point. Of course, My Boyfriend will never see that. The point is, that he never keeps his plans. Yesterday he went over there; he took the car. He was going to deliver his cards (and mine) to them and receive any presents they might have and then come back home. He was gone for just over three hours; but never did the exchange because only his father was home.
Since he went yesterday I asked if that meant he’d be taking off Saturday to visit his parents and also to have dinner at Robert’s and Patty’s house. He said last night that he was planning on it, though he wasn’t sure if it was a plan that would stick. It never occurred to me he might actually leave on Christmas day. It didn’t even really enter my mind. So for him to up and tell me this before I’ve even cleaned his cum off of me; first thing on Christmas morning... I was pissed; but I didn’t act pissed at all.
I refuse to spoil the holiday over it of course. We head downstairs, and my mother talks for a little bit about her past, and how her grandmother was once paid for an entire day’s work with an orange, which she took home and split with her family. This was considered reasonable back then. Hence; the oranges in the toe of a stocking. They really used to be that big of a treat.
Incidently, we didn’t put oranges in the toes of the stockings because of tradition but because we’re actually being cheap this year, but then. In the past, the total present cost under the tree has been often if not usually over one thousand dollars. If you think about it – three barbies, two shirts, gel pens and such for me as a kid; and for dad a couple of sweaters, a mug, a pack of socks... The list would go on and on back in those days. I’d probably also have sticky pads, socks, chocolate, doll accessories and probably other things I can’t think of... Hair pins, and other hair items...
Now, I suppose we only just broke a few hundreds. I mostly used things I already had: I had a surplus of photo paper and printer ink, and I also had blank DVDs and CD cases. So I burned CDs and I made photo albums. I paid $33 for something like eight photo albums and... What else did I get at the same time? I’ve forgotten.
And aside from that, I spent like another $30 at wegmans on gifts. That’s really the total I spent. I have not spent that little since I was around... Ten, perhaps nine even. Of course, if we count what the photo paper, ink and CDs did cost once upon a time, it’d probably come out to a total of around $130 for everything; but still. I did well, and I’m pleased with myself.
In mom’s stocking there were: (is that the correct use of the subjunctive? “Were” instead of “was”?) two hand-made straw pan scrubbers (that I bought at the Eerie county fair for her), a toothbrush, a dental pick and mirror, a shot-glass that has measurements written on it (my mom has a shot-glass collection which is funny because she doesn’t drink in the slightest), a dining room glass (the other three came in a present – on sale at wegmans – a great buy), fluffy pink socks tied with a cute pink ribbon, an orange, and a very darling little book that is written just from child to mom. It’s a very beautiful book, and I agreed with it’s sentiment.
In my father’s stocking there were: several different types of nuts, several different types of chocolate, a toothbrush and an orange.
In My Boyfriend’s stocking there were: two three-inch-tall gargoyles, two creative multi-colored pencils, one putty eraser, two cargo pants pockets (cut off an old pair of cargo pants – he loves the pockets to them and carries a cut-off on in his bag for his art supplies).
In my stocking there were: nifty black and white paper clips in two sizes as well as in funky shapes (spirals and triangles), several pink sharpies, pink pens, pink pencils, mini-pink stapler, pink white-out thingy, a pink-mini-sticky-pad, a lime-green white-out, some pink-ribbon paper thingys, some nuts and an orange.
Presents from my mom to My Boyfriend: a white and green towel, a pocket knife, (and one week ago): a custom made tattoo machine.
Presents from mom to Dad: a matching vest, jacket and pants; many more nuts and snacks, and two books – I think both were political... One was by Barak Obama and the other was about the economy.
Presents from me to mom: four dining room glasses, a photo album including landscape pictures, some of My Boyfriend’s art, some of my art, some photos of the family and some photos of myself, and some very pretty red and gold ornaments (which were on sale at wegmans).
Presents from My Boyfriend to me: (we went shopping on Sunday and he bought me): two hoddies on sale ($6 each – amazing deal – I’m wearing the pink one now), one lovely short dress with a zipper front ($22 – which I’m also wearing now – My Boyfriend and I had sex in it just before he left actually), one pair of spandex pants (which I’m also wearing), and a pair of knee-high socks. And, upon my instruction... My Boyfriend also bought me Settlers of Catan and it’s expansion (board game) from the card shop which has had the game for ages and ages, so we’re doing it a favor and ourselves a favor at the same time.
[This is truly embarrassing but My Boyfriend wrapped the game and it’s expansion in a rather ugly wrapping paper, used double-stick tape on the outside of the package, didn’t use ribbon, didn’t fold the rough edges of the package in, and stuck on any-old bows... I wouldn’t mind perhaps if he’d gotten the gifts of his own volition. I might not mind if he’d used a prettier paper or wrapped it at least creatively... I might not have minded if I hadn’t specifically taught him how to wrap gifts last year, or if we hadn’t already had two x-mases together... However, considering all of that... And considering that he wrote to me and from him in large scrawled letters in red over the wrapping paper all over the top of the box... Yeah. It was almost painful to open. If you can’t wrap; use a gift bag.]
Presents from mom to me: one pair of black-thigh-high socks (which are to die for!), one pair of ankle warmers (which also fit my upper-arms to my delight), one large pink stapler, one custom pink stamp which says my name, my company name and my address (and prints in pink), one pink folder holder filled with tons of folders, five pink dots and one pink stripe to stick on a wall, one cute-gift-box filled with pink and black office odds and ends including a pink-capped white out and thumb tacks, one pink fluffy zipper-sweater, one used set of silverware (and it’s a very good set too – I like it a lot, and it came in a nice wooden box) and... Was there anything else? I can’t think of it.
One interesting note I’d like to add is that every bit of tissue paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, bows and bags that I used was reused from last year, some of which was reused even more than once at this point. I didn’t use a single scrap of new stuff on my wrapping except the tape. This year no one made fun of me or tried to stop me from saving all the paper, ribbons, and bows.
For breakfast my mom made eggs with potatoes and meat fried in them as well as sausages on the side, a bowl of sliced peppers and a bowl of fancy crackers. I ate half the bowl of peppers, one bite of the eggs and one of the tiny sausages. (I never eat sausages, so this was just a x-mas exception.)
So, yes, there was morning sex, My Boyfriend telling me he was leaving, then stockings amongst picture-taking by my mom and I, then breakfast, then a game of Race for the Galaxy (which Dad didn’t quite remember how to play), and which My Boyfriend won. After that everyone disappeared from the table in a great flurry. My Dad upstairs, mom to the kitchen, My Boyfriend up to the attic. My Boyfriend spent every moment that he was not eating, playing the game or opening a gift looking at his phone, texting and reading texts.
After getting everyone back together we opened presents. My Boyfriend moped. Dad disappeared into his book as soon as he’s opened it. Mom fussed about how her wrapping job wasn’t that good and about how there were not many gifts this year. I attempted to be festive and bobbed along with the Christmas music which I can barely stand just to try to get everyone in the spirit. I carefully folded the tissue papers, the wrapping papers, coiled the ribbons and put them carefully into gift bags for storage. I covered My Boyfriend in kisses, took a few dozen pictures, unwrapped my gifts; pretended to be mildly surprised by My Boyfriend’s presents... I made no remarks about Dad not buying or making anything for anyone...
In a way, I feel like Dad was the one in the spirit with me this year. I think Mom was really embarrassed about her quick-present wrapping jobs and about her second-hand gifts even though no one minded at all. Her gifts were still prettier than mine; and who cares anyway? It’s not a contest, as long as they look pretty, they look pretty!
And who cares if I detest holiday music? I sing along just because I no the words, but no one hummed or sang with me when ever I tried to get into it. I’m not really upset about any of this. Well, that would be a lie. Okay, I’m upset. No, I’m not upset, I’m disappointed.
I’m not unhappy with the gifts; mine nor anyone else’s. I’m not disappointed with the appearance of the living room; the village is lovely; and better than a Christmas tree in my opinion. I’m not disappointed with the timing of the breakfast. I’m disappointed with the overall attitude.
Corvier maintains the Christmas is about gifts; which is bitter, short-sighted and rude. Dad maintains that buying gifts is a waste of money and time; which is bitter and short-sighted and almost rude. Mom maintains that expensive gifts and perfect wrapping is appropriate conversation and what we should all be paying attention to which is annoying and depressing.
I maintain that Christmas is about showing your family that you care and being cheerful for once. Why can’t everyone be cheerful? Why can’t everyone just enjoy the fact that someone is showing their love in the only way they know how? I’m perfectly calm on the outside. I’ve been smiling all morning. Prancing around and being pretty and cute and loveable. Oh, but it was so hard to put on. And I put it on for them! And I guarantee it was only half appreciated, and by half I mean that mom three-quarters appreciated it and My Boyfriend and Dad split the other quarter.
When you do something for those you love you should receive bundles of appreciation, smiles, laughs and joy, right? Well, it used to be that way when I was little. I believe it should be that way. I want my family to be a family and it just won’t be and I can’t stand that. My Boyfriend put on a clear show of how he can be worse than my father when he doesn’t feel like putting on his “girl-friend mask.”
I’m very disappointed; and now that I’ve cried about it I’m going to move on with the rest of the day.
After presents were opened My Boyfriend went right upstairs, and so did Dad (by the opposite stairwell). Mom went to the kitchen to put on dinner. I folded up wrapping papers. My mom came out and talked to me for a bit about how things where when she was a child and about her siblings. Out of all my aunts and uncles (there were originally 12 of them, six on each side, though I’m not sure how many are still alive) I only really know three of them at all. Uncle Eugene on my Dad’s side, and on my mom’s side Aunt Martha and Uncle Boyce.
She told me:
After my grandfather died when I was around six years old (my dad’s father was dead before I was born), my mother’s siblings all sort of split-up. The guys split from the girls. (Four guys to three girls.) The guys wanted to sell the house and so they did. The father left Aunt Martha $20,000 dollars, just for her, and one of the boys was the executive of the will so he had to sign for her to get it. They tried to make her split it, but she reasonably refused. I would too if I had siblings like that. Aunt Susan ended up taking the “boy’s side” and left Aunt Martha and my mom alone out of the seven of them. Uncle Boyce and Aunt Martha hate each other; they call each other liars and thieves. I don’t know what to think about their opinions of each other really.
So that explains on their side why noone cares about my mom’s family, if even about her. On my Dad’s side I think it’s mostly just because my Dad is the youngest. Uncle Eugene, incidently is the oldest, and he lives in Buffalo and my Dad plays chess with him once a week before he goes out clubbing. (Yes, my Dad goes clubbing. It’s embarrassing, I know.)
After my mother and I talked about that for a bit, I carried my things upstairs. I ran into My Boyfriend on the stairs. He wasn’t coming downstairs to look for me, but rather he was coming down to ask my mom about the car situation. Trust me, I was irked. I took some pictures of my gifts and then I began this entry and here I am.
My Dad is probably picking up Eugene right now, if he hasn’t already brought him here. My Aunt (not my aunt by blood) and Gerry (who are now living together in a new house) are coming over for dinner. My Boyfriend doesn’t know if he’s going to be back for dinner or not. He took his bike, and I doubt he’ll be back for before ten o’clock and I’ve resigned myself to that.
Mom had just called me and informed me that I’m going to pick up Mary and Gerry. Dad and Eugene are downstairs playing chess and Mom will be working on dinner up until we have dinner. So she expects me to go pick them up in forty-five minutes. I’m mildly annoyed by this. Only because no one told me sooner, and I hate having things sprung on me. I had no idea Eugene, Mary and Gerry were coming yesterday, and I had no idea My Boyfriend wouldn’t be here for dinner.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles though, isn’t it?






















Thursday, December, 25th 2008 at 10:13pm

(Corvier isn’t home yet. Dad left to take Uncle Eugene and Gerry home about half an hour ago. My mom is watching TV in the living room now.)
I’ve finally figured out the crux of the issue. It’s long-term vs. short-term. Being with My Boyfriend tomorrow sounds better than not being with My Boyfriend tomorrow. However, at this point in the day, I almost don’t want My Boyfriend to come home yet. It’s quiet and peaceful and I prefer that. That, right there, goes to show that our relationship isn’t healed as much as I had previously thought.
A few days ago I thought to myself “this could actually end up going somewhere; I can see us together for another six months or a year, and by then, who knows.” But today and yesterday have fully erased any thoughts of things making it that long. So why then, procrastinate?
Why not break-up with him tomorrow?
It’s a very hard question to answer. I know that I won’t do it tomorrow. But why not? If I know I’m going to do it sooner or later, what’s wrong with tomorrow? I can think of a zillion stupid reasons; petty reasons... But the deeper truth lies in hopes.
I hope that My Boyfriend becomes a better person, with or without me. But I don’t believe he’ll become a better person without me; and that’s very disappointing. No My Bestfriender how many things he’s done that anger me, I don’t hate him. I really like him, I really care about him... I do want him to do well in life. I have no ill-will towards him.
Yet, if we broke up tomorrow, he’d turn cold. He’d probably stop being very productive; he probably would start drinking again. I doubt he’d ever trust another woman again; and if so; then she’d be some incredible woman – who he’ll probably never find. I find that sad as well. He does deserve to be loved, doesn’t he?
But even so, none of those are reasons to sacrifice my own happiness. Yet, it’ll make me unhappy to leave him... For a time.
You see where this short-term and long-term come into play? Short-term, we’d both be miserable if I left him. Long-term I’d recover, but would he? Short-term, if I stayed, I’d continue with happy-highs and sad-lows. Long-term, if I stayed, who knows? Now I have just revealed why I’m still in the relationship. Did you catch that?
See, short-term I know I’ll be sad after leaving him. And short-term I know I’ll have some fun times if I stay. So short-term it’s easier to stay. Long-term without him I know I’ll recover and life will move on and things will change and a whole new set of obstacles will surely surface. If I stay, at the slow rate he’s been working at, he will improve. Unless, of course he reverts back completely which is a fear of mine. But in the long-term I do believe he could make a decent husband, but then again, it’s too big a chance that he might not. So, the long term is in question either way, leading me to just think about the short term.
Anyway, just for the sake of fairness, My Boyfriend would argue that he was so busy on his phone and left for the entire day because he wanted to see his parents who he doesn’t get to see all the time, though I always see mine. Of course, this is a complete bull-shit answer when you play everything out. Not because it’s bull shit that he wants to see his parents. I do believe he does. He does miss his parents; but it’s not his parents he’s texting on the phone. And beyond that, I guarantee that he’s not been with his parents for the last seven and a half hours. More likely he was there for two or three hours and has spent the rest of the day with Frankie, El, Connie and who-ever else.
Now that pisses me off. And he’s not answering his phone anymore, which is another big sign. And of all the audacity; you know what he said to me when I asked about when he was coming home?
He says; “It depends on if I’m having a good time. If I am, I’m not gonna be tryin’ to leave.”
What an ass-hole answer! You make plans, you keep your plans. You make commitments, you stick to them. You tell the truth to those you love, and you tell them how you truly feel about them, and you tell them your honest opinions about what’s going to happen, and you stick to your goddamned words! That’s just what you do. If you’re not doing that, then you’re hurting yourself as well everyone else.
I feel the inclination to call My Boyfriend repeatedly right now just so I can say “it’s impossible that you never once looked at it and then ignored it” but what’s the point? That’s a waste of my time, and purposely creating an argument for no reason.
Another thing that’s bothering me is that I offered him a ride to his mom’s house. He declined and said he’d take his bike. I was skeptical because of the cold. This was right before he left – but he got a ride somehow because he left his bike here, which means the ride must have been prearranged which means he lied to me about the bike. At least, I think he did; he might not have intentionally lied, but either way, he didn’t keep me updated. He didn’t tell me the truth, even if he didn’t purposely lie.

Friday, December, 26th 2008 at 1:59pm

I had a very interesting IM conversation last night, which is what distracted me from finishing my entry. I would edit it and post it, but I’d really rather get some words on my novel before Will shows up.
So, concerning where I left off last night; My Boyfriend got home at 1:30am. We curled up, talked, kisses and then slept. I enjoyed the rest of my night after he arrived; which brings me right back into the pit fall I don’t know how to avoid. Once we were all curled up and talking and laughing and smiling and kissing; how could I think of leaving?
Tre did something almost every day that was driving me insane; but with just a little prodding My Boyfriend has cleaned all of his stuff; he’s brought me tea this morning and made me feel loved. This is selfish thing for me to ask; but what if I can’t find another guy who’d do even that much?
Well, I guess I have the answer to that; I could find one. I just don’t think it’s fair to ditch a guy I love who is in love with me just because I think I could find a guy who’d give me more attention and who wouldn’t have anger issues and friends I didn’t like.
Then again, his overall actions yesterday were deplorable.
I just don’t want to leave him and regret it. That’s the bottom line. I feel like I’m going to regret it, so I keep it in the back of my mind; but I don’t do it.
I remember how My Crazy “Ninja” Ex reacted... It was heartbreaking, but in that scenario I was completely over it. I didn’t want what he was offering anymore at all. There really wasn’t more than one or two small reasons to stay; and a long list of huge reasons to leave. That was easy by comparison...
To list the pros and cons may help me; but at the moment I don’t really feel up to it.








Saturday, December, 27th 2008 at 7:53pm

Oh fuck, I have not been writing on my novel at all this past week. Honestly, all-around, I think Christmas this year was more of a heart-ache and a disruption than it was productive, fun and enjoyable.
Aside from the presents the only benefit at all was the living room being cleaner. I think (in terms of everyone I know) that it was more stressful than it was fun. I find that fact alone more depressing than any one particular event.
Perhaps I just try too hard: I try hard to make everyone realize their health is important and how to improve it. I try too hard to make everyone play board games and to understand and/or enjoy it. I try too hard to make an event cheerful even when I feel down. I try to make my relationship the best it can be. I try to do these things. I make a conscious and purposeful effort to do these things...
Corvier just came over to me; kissed me; apologized and told me that he’d “try to know more of his plans ahead of time.” This pleases me a lot.

Christmas Night:
I say: (11:04:54 PM): How are you doing? Merry Christmas!
Miruna says: (11:05:18 PM): I am doing well. But it is not Christmas anymore.
[Miruna lives in Japan.]
I say: (11:05:33 PM): Well, still is for another hour for me. I just had the most awkward, uncomfortable and not-particularly-fun or festive x-mas ever.
Miruna says: (11:05:48 PM): Ah. What kind of cake did you have? Oh. What happened?
I say: (11:06:24 PM): My Boyfriend took off early on in the day and didn't even eat dinner with me. My Uncle and Gerry came over -- they're both very old, and so are my parents... My uncle is so old he can barely do anything at all for himself. Gerry is a crazy old bat who gossips to no end and thinks she's a goddess and have out-there beliefs even by my standards. We all sat around and tried to play board games after eating dinner for many hours. It was painful most of the time. I can't say there was a single truly joyful moment in the entire day... It's really stark compared to how it was when i was a kid and we all went to my aunt's house. That was always so much fun. I never had an awkward x-mas at her house. It was always fun, always beautiful, always festive...
I say: (11:06:32 PM): Cake? We don't really do cake at our house.
Miruna says: (11:06:40 PM): Why not?
I say: (11:07:20 PM): Well, for one thing, we don't eat sugar much around here. My mom is diabetic pretty much. I don't even look forward to the holiday anymore now that we don't go over to my Aunt's anymore... We did every year for ten years, maybe twelve, I'm unsure. But it stopped when I was 15. Something about my aunt's declining health and not wanting to go through all the trouble. I'd thought I'd be bringing my babies there when I got into my twenties and was married, but I guess not. My cousin wasn't that much older than me; she could still have had us, but I guess she wasn't interested. What do you do for Christmas?
Miruna says: (11:08:35 PM): Trade gifts and eat cake like everyone else.
I say: (11:09:54 PM): Do you put up a tree? Do you open stockings? Do you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner as a family? The tradition on my mom's side, (how it's been for me) is that everyone gets a stocking with anonymous presents from everyone in the house, which we open before breakfast, and then we all eat breakfast together. Then sometime between breakfast and dinner we exchange presents, then we eat dinner together. Often a game is played in between.
Miruna says: (11:10:07 PM): Stockings?
I say: (11:10:54 PM): There always was a tree as a kid, and always was one at Aunt's Martha's too. But this year we didn't really find the time or money for it. You know, the holiday stockings -- not real stockings of course! Those things you hang up over the fire place. My Aunt Actually had a real fireplace to hang them over, we just hang them on the mantle.
Miruna says: (11:11:39 PM): You mean ornaments?
I say: (11:13:29 PM): No... Hm, guess you guys don't do it in Japan. It's a western thing I suppose. It's always "white" people in drawings with stockings I suppose. And also, I don't know anyone who eats cake specifically on Christmas, so that must be something that Asians do. I find that interesting, indeed. (You're not insulted by being called Asian are you? It's so hard to know that sort of thing...) Stockings... Well, they're like shaped like a foot, but they're the size of a boot, and they lay flat when nothing is in them... And hey, wait, I'll just show you the pictures.
Miruna says: (11:14:19 PM): I prefer to be called Japanese. Since I am. And also, China does not celebrate Christmas. Some Koreans do, though.
I say: (11:14:41 PM): Really?!?! Wow. Do Chinese people celebrate the Solstice? I think "we Americans" are very ignorant about the rest of the world in general.
Miruna says: (11:16:22 PM): The Chinese generally celebrate the Boxer Rebellion, in which the Chinese drove out foreign corporate interests, and the later Cultural Revolution, in which the Communist party gained power.
I say: (11:16:23 PM): Generally I revert to saying Asian because I don't want to insult someone who may be Korean, or Chinese or Japanese or Oknowan (which I've probably butchered the spelling of) and so forth. There is only like one "Asian" person in 100 people in Buffalo. I've never even heard of the Boxer Rebellion. When did that take place?
Miruna says: (11:17:40 PM): I think it was during the late 1800s, though I do not remember well. We do not study Chinese history much here.
I say: (11:18:01 PM): We don't study much of any history that isn't western here, and I don't even know much of that.
Miruna says: (11:18:02 PM): I am sure Wikipedia has something to say on it.
I say: (11:18:20 PM): It would be amazing to go to Japan.
Miruna says: (11:18:31 PM): It would depend on where you go.
I say: (11:18:34 PM): I can't imagine Japanese people surrounding me. And the language is so amazing... The kanji symbols are beautiful -- I started learning some of them for the fun of it. I can write "ko" and "ka" and "ki" and so forth.
Miruna says: (11:19:21 PM): Well, you should try, if you wanted to take a trip. Many Japanese people . . . tend to cluster when they see a foreigner. Which meanings?
I say: (11:20:08 PM): I've noticed that "Asians" tend to take a lot of random pictures of people - I've been photographed with tons of Asians I didn't know... Is that common? I don't have any idea what they mean, only which sound matches which symbol. Though I did know what coco meant.. I forgot.
Miruna says: (11:20:49 PM): That is not how kanji works. You may be thinking of kana, though.
I say: (11:21:07 PM): Oh, oh, duh, why did I call it kanji?? I meant hirigana. I just heard the word kanji today and I got confused.
Miruna says: (11:21:47 PM): Ah. I greatly prefer hiragana, myself. Though, it poses some problems.
I say: (11:22:06 PM): I've learned that all foreign words are written in completely different symbols. Which I find to be insane.
Miruna says: (11:22:22 PM): And as to photos, we just take pictures. Maybe Americans aren't as interested in pictures? Oh, you mean katakana?
I say: (11:22:32 PM): Yeah.
Miruna says: (11:22:44 PM): Katakana is like italics for Japanese readers.
I say: (11:22:58 PM): Americans take tons of pictures – but they don't walk up to someone and ask to take a picture with them, at least, not generally.
Miruna says: (11:23:12 PM): The two systems [kata and hira] are almost the same.
I say: (11:23:27 PM): Interesting; they don't look similar to me, but then again, my eyes are untrained
Miruna says: (11:23:41 PM): Oh, that. Well, in Japan, we rarely see foreigners in person. Most people would think of it as something to talk about.
I say: (11:23:56 PM): Hey, you know what's been driving me crazy? What on earth does a Japanese keyboard look like??? (I'm about to google it, I'm dying to see one.)
Miruna says: (11:24:48 PM): It depends on the machine it's connected to, but mine has eight typing rows, two shift and meta keys, a function row and a NP block.
I say: (11:28:48 PM): Hm, interesting. I've looked at like a dozen images, and all of them are of English/Japanese combinations. Kanji is the one where each symbol is a word, right? Were there ever keyboards that had kanji on them?
Miruna says: (11:29:06 PM): Absolutely not. To the kanji keyboard, that is.
I say: (11:29:12 PM): Ah. A kanji keyboard would be insane! And it would be wicked awesome.
Miruna says: (11:29:55 PM): A couple decades ago, we drastically reduced the number of official [non-name] kanji to 1945. I do not think they make desks big enough for that.
I say: (11:30:16 PM): Interesting. How many did there used to be? It would probably need a quad-shift key. Like, one shift key for one set of symbols, and then another shift key for another set, ect.
Miruna says: (11:30:25 PM): Oh, several thousand. Well, that is how we type kana.
I say: (11:30:55 PM): So that it wouldn't have that many more keys, just many more symbols per key. Oh, will it display on aim? I wanna see! I feel like a tourist suddenly. Do all websites handle kana on their search engines? Like, if you use kana on an English website search engine, will it give you an error?
Miruna says: (11:32:20 PM): Well, I use an English keyboard because of all the programming I often do. In e-mail, I usually use an interpreter.
I say: (11:32:21 PM): I suppose it would have to if nothing matched, come to think of it. Oh. So you can't type kana? I mean, at the moment, that is.
Miruna says: (11:33:01 PM): No, you can use kana and kanji in any search engine. Whether you get a result depends on whether what you've searched for exists. Just like English. And no, I cannot type non romaji at the moment. I rarely need to use the interpreter except for e-mail or search-engines anyway.
I say: (11:33:46 PM): I assume it'll only show results that turn up in the language you've searched in- right?
Miruna says: (11:34:56 PM): Well, if you type the kanji equivalent of, say, "see spot run", you'll find any page with that phrase. So it's exactly like searching in English, at least if you use Google.




I say: (11:35:44 PM): Do English letters look pretty to you? I've always thought our letters look so ugly and drab compared to kana or kanji. Is that just because it's foreign? Or are English letter truly ugly?
Miruna says: (11:37:25 PM): I like romaji letters. They do not have a 'history'. Of course, they are old, but looking at a romaji letter, you get no sense of what it is supposed to mean. Mostly because romaji letters -do not have- a meaning. That does not happen with kanji, of course, nor even with kana. Kana were all derived from older kanji, and simplified so they could be written with fewer brush-strokes. So the meaning still rides each kana, even if none of them are 'words'.
I say: (11:38:53 PM): I never thought about it that way, if words were symbols than the symbol itself would hold a lot of meaning and carry a lot of weight.
Miruna says: (11:39:34 PM): Indeed. There is a little . . . issue with our number for 'four'. One way to read it sounds like our word for 'death'.
I say: (11:39:36 PM): But do you find English letters boring/ugly/drab? Or do they seem exotic in some odd way in Japan the way Japanese letters look so cool here? That's interesting. That sort of thing happens everywhere in English though.
Miruna says: (11:40:01 PM): So we have something of a superstition about the number four. Hotels do not have fourth floors, and such.
I say: (11:40:11 PM): Wow, that's interesting! I would have never guessed something like that.
Miruna says: (11:41:44 PM): Romaji is used a lot in packaging and advertising. Lots of us think it looks cool or exotic, so I suppose that might just be it. I do not think romaji looks drab, though. It looks elegant. Simple. Like you can put them together in the strangest ways to make sounds and words. Like the word 'enough'. How does 'ugh' turn into 'f'?
I say: (11:42:57 PM): So, I suppose I can lay off the dumb-American questions, lol. How is your personal life going? Whoa, I just now realized romaji means "my" sort of letters, lol. Yeah, I guess you could say elegant, since they're so simple, but I always thought of Japanese letters as elegant!
Miruna says: (11:43:04 PM): Baroque is the word, I think. Very baroque.
I say: (11:43:12 PM): That is such a funny question. I don't know the word baroque, but I'd guess it's said like "bark" with a slight accent. How did I get "k" out of "oque"? It just goes to show how odd it is. Although, it seems that there are many more sound possibilities with this letter system. How can you even say a word like... my name for example: Atara – when there is a vowel after every consonant.
Miruna says: (11:45:10 PM): No, it is actually phonetic, with the 'que' -> 'k'. It means 'textured' or complicated, with a sense of decadence. It also refers to a period of art characterized by those attributes.
I say: (11:45:24 PM): Interesting. True, true. I knew that I suppose, but I never actually thought about it. About the que that is.
Miruna says: (11:45:53 PM): Oh, dear. Your name would not survive our language.
I say: (11:46:11 PM): Yeah, I'd be Radale. The shame.
Miruna says: (11:47:18 PM): More likely 'raedaru'. We do not distinguish between 'l' or 'r', as we technically do not use either sound, rather a sound right in between the two.
I say: (11:48:15 PM): Oh boy.
Miruna says: (11:48:27 PM): Also, most Japanese speakers tend to be very hasty when pronouncing foreign words, and more or less put together whichever moku their ears catch.
I say: (11:48:39 PM): I guess I can say that much for English - we can make more sounds; though we're missing a few other sounds that other languages use as well.
Miruna says: (11:48:46 PM): Which usually means we butcher English brutally.
I say: (11:49:16 PM): A Japanese accent (coming from a woman) is beautiful.
Miruna says: (11:49:33 PM): Really?
I say: (11:49:46 PM): Actually, this is probably terribly sexist or racist or something, but I find Asian men very unattractive in almost every single way, whereas I find Asian women amazing.
Miruna says: (11:51:14 PM): I always thought English speakers had much more interesting voices. Much slower and with a more interesting rhythm. Japanese is a little monotonous by comparison. English speakers use such varied inflection and accent. Though, when you emphasize words, it sounds a little odd.
I say: (11:52:06 PM): What's interesting though, as that by the time Asian features have been transferred to anime (I'm sure you know we call Japanese cartoons 'anime' as if it's a whole different sort of program entirely) I find that the guys look really cool. I wonder why that is? Are anime men generally drawn idealistically or something? That's a nifty way of looking at it. I thought Japanese sounded cooler than our language because it's so distinctive with all of it's "o" and "e" sounds all the time. Japanese names roll off the tongue so easily. I like Yamato, Makoto and I Temari.
Miruna says: (11:53:44 PM): We call it 'anime' as well. I think we got it from the French, who called cartoons "anime'".
I say: (11:54:10 PM): That's odd. I never knew that. Does that mean you call American cartoons anime as well? Or do you call those cartoons?
Miruna says: (11:54:38 PM): We just call anything with ink and paper pictures 'anime'.
I say: (11:54:57 PM): Ah. We make a distinction here; Japanese cartoons are anime and our cartoons are cartoons.
Miruna says: (11:55:04 PM): And the think to keep in mind about anime designers is that they often try to either preserve or 'reinvent' [butcher] old, classical art styles.
I say: (11:55:11 PM): Like, when someone says here "I'm an anime-freak" they mean all Japanese stuff.
Miruna says: (11:55:41 PM): Ah. We call them 'otaku', but it seems to mean something different when Americans use the word.
I say: (11:55:52 PM): Ghost in the Shell, Full Metal Alchemist and Death Note are my three favorite series of all time; ever seen them? I've never heard otaku. What's otaku mean?
Miruna says: (11:58:45 PM): Well, it means something like 'geek' or 'nerd', but usually with little focus on anything scholastic, and more emphasis on a fixation with some hobby or favorite show. We have otaku for American culture, even. They usually watch imported American shows and movies, try to learn spoken English [we all learn English in high school, but the focus is on written communication], and generally try to Americanise themselves as much as they can. Other otaku focus on whatever their own pet hobby is. I hear a lot of Americans have a similar fascination with us. Not sure why.
I say: (11:59:46 PM): Indeed. It's extremely common here. There are anime-freaks all over the place, even I could be called one. We wear all sorts of anime gear (I even have a death-note bag) and often you'll see people with their hair made to look like anime hair and so forth.
Miruna says: (12:04:23 AM): Yeah, we have people like that here. For a long time now, the cool thing has been to write English on things. Though, a lot of the English does not make a lot of sense. Things like "Active Sports For Traditional Mind". It mostly serves as decoration.
I say: (12:06:09 AM): We do that too. Would you believe some people get Chinese or Japanese letters tattooed on them without confirming what they mean??
Miruna says: (12:08:11 AM): I wish I could say no. But I cannot. I know some people are stupid enough to tattoo very . . . ill-conceived English phrases on themselves with henna. Permanent tattoos are not very popular here, though.
I say: (12:08:26 AM): Really? My boyfriend is a tattoo artist -- he does "Asian" lettering at least once a week on someone
Miruna says: (12:09:35 AM): Wow. I did not know Americans got -that- many tattoos! But, I have seen pictures of people with full body art.
I say: (12:10:15 AM): He works 50 to 60 hours a week and generally does 3 tattoos a day
Miruna says: (12:10:27 AM): I always thought that looked so beautiful, but there is no way anyone could do that here, unless they were Yakuza, but that is very different.
I say: (12:10:27 AM): Though it can range from 0 to 8 tattoos a day. Yakuza? That was the name of a gang in the Ghost in the Shell movie: Innocence. Strange; I see so many bad tattoos in bad places that I think tattoos mess up the art of the human body
Miruna says: (12:12:55 AM): The Yakuza are a lot older than Ghost in the Shell [which is one of my favorite old movies, by the way]. They are like your mafia, but . . . they have a longer history. Here, tattoos are mostly only associated with them, but that is changing a little, especially with Americans and others getting all those tattoos.
I say: (12:13:37 AM): That's very interesting. You know any other good animes I might like? Tattoos always fade, even when they're good. They're expensive, permanent and often a cause for regret. At least once a week my b/f does a cover-up tattoo as well. I don't dislike or discriminate people for having tattoos, but I think it's unwise to have them personally.
Miruna says: (12:14:40 AM): Well, if you liked Ghost in the Shell, you might really like Serial Experiments: Lain, and if you like that, you might like Boogiepop Phantom. Paranoia Agent is also very thought-provoking.
I say: (12:15:14 AM): Interesting, someone else told me to watch Lain, but after the first five episodes I had to question if I wanted to keep watching it or not. I was recommended Paranoia Agent by the same guy who told me to watch Lain, incidentally. I've never heard of Boogiepop Phantom though. I have not tried Paranoia Agent yet though. I should get on that.
Miruna says: (12:16:44 AM): It is really good. A little older than Lain, but similar style and influence. It is about urban legends and dealing with the unknown.
I say: (12:17:48 AM): You know what's funny? The Asian stereotype is "smart" which is the only positive stereotype I've ever come across. And what's more interesting is that stereotype come from truth even if they are not always true
Miruna says: (12:18:31 AM): Well, I heard Americans think Italians are supposed to be good in bed, too.
I say: (12:18:52 AM): Yeah, I've heard that. I’m part Italian, enough to claim that I am Italian, and I'd say I'm pretty good.
Miruna says: (12:20:17 AM): Eh. I never paid much attention. Okinawans are supposed to be drunken thugs, but I find them pretty smart and thoughtful, moreso than most 'true' Japanese people I've known. And a lot of them get drunk easier than I do.
I say: (12:20:38 AM): I quit drinking entirely. I just don't like not being able to understand my surroundings. To do that to myself on purpose jsut doesn't seem logical.
Miruna says: (12:22:29 AM): Well, drinking here fulfils a very old social function. In fact, it is pretty common to call sake 'sake-san' [Mr. [or Ms.] Sake].
I say: (12:23:01 AM): I can honestly say that at least 60% of people I've met do fall into their stereotypes. Most the women I've met like chocolate. Most the black people I've met are ghetto, uneducated and like fried chicken. Most the white people I've met can be a prick a lot of the time. The few Jamaicans I've met work like crazy and smoke weed like crazy. The few Asians I've met were highly educated and intelligent. I've met a few exceptions, but surprisingly few.
Miruna says: (12:27:00 AM): Oh. Most regular Japanese ['true' or otherwise] like chocolate. A lot are hardworking [and a lot work hard at looking like they work hard], a lot smoke marijuana. And a lot of working-class people are not well-educated. I doubt it would change much if we had more than three ethnicities here.
I say: (12:28:57 AM): I'd say we're about 30% white, 30% black, 20% Hispanic, 10% Indian, and 10% everything else in this city
Miruna says: (12:31:03 AM): Yeah, that is a big difference from Japan. We are about 95% 'true' nationalized Japanese, about 3% Okinawan [on the mainland], a little under 2% Ainu, and the rest are a curiosity on the street.
I say: (12:31:19 AM): Wow, even in Tokyo?
Miruna says: (12:32:25 AM): In Tokyo, we have the Foreigner's District, not far from the major airport.
I say: (12:32:51 AM): District? Is it strictly separate? Or is it just a tourist section?
Miruna says: (12:34:06 AM): It is almost all foreigners. They are catered to as long as they stay [assuming they can afford the 'catering'], but the neighboring districts often do not like the 'spill' [a not-so-polite way of referring to drunken foreigners with lots of money and not much sense]. Also, Chiba is pretty nice for foreigners who want to stay in Japan permanently, but other cities are not always friendly. Kyoto and Osaka are rather backwards for such big cities. But it still is not like foreigners are common in Chiba. Nearly all foreigners live in the Foreigner's District. And it is a little like New York's boroughs: a district is sort of locally managed kind of independently-but-not-really from the rest of the districts around it.
I say: (12:38:10 AM): Like china-town? Every large city in America had a "china-town.” My boyfriend wants my attention. We should talk more about this stuff later.
Miruna says: (12:39:08 AM): Ah. I was going to go to lunch soon with Ame anyway. It was good to talk to you again.
I say: (12:39:19 AM): Lunch? It’s midnight here!
Miruna says: (12:39:33 AM): We are ten hours ahead.