Talking about things that I have read is pretty much silly. That probably sounds like the dumbest thing I ever said since all we can really talk about that is interesting is things we’ve read or heard. If you saw it on TV, it’s probably not half as interesting... What I mean to say is, talking about the things I’ve read on the internet, when you could read them yourself from the original source is silly. I rest my argument about health on the following: Dr. Mark Hyman has thousands of testimonials to his case, as well as being a legitimate doctor who has written somewhere around seven successful books. As I’ve said a zillion times, his advice that I read online caused me to loose thirty pounds, to sleep more soundly, to have more energy, and got rid of a terrible painful chronic burping in combination with stomach aches.
While I stress high fructose corn syrup as the bad guy, the truth is, that there is a very intricate balance to our body which only can be understood through a lot of testing and examining. And Dr. Mark Hyman has done the testing and examining required to “prove” his points. In addition, he’s broken down his experiences in such a way that they’re easy to read on his online blog. He’s founded the Ultra Wellness Foundation and the practices used there work. Yes, for some people sugar is not a relevant issue in their life, but every single one of us has a different chemical make-up and that’s what functional-medicine is all about: finding the root cause for the individual and not just giving them a diagnoses. However, sugar, aspartame and hydrogenated oils do not hold nutritional value for any human being on the planet. Things like pasta and milk I believe can be “bad” or “good” depending on the chemical make-up, diet and lifestyle of the person consuming them, which is why I don’t simply say things like “quit dairy, gluten, grains, and all forms of sugar including cane sugar!” because that is only necessary for some people. Since I’m not qualified to judge which people those are, I repeat, read what Dr. Mark Hyman has to say for yourself.
Jeff,
Having a reading list on your blog is an awesome idea. My list would be MUCH shorter, but nevertheless, I'm considering making one. It's great that you've read so many books, and even better that it's such a good selection. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope to see you again. (I didn't check your list too throughly, I just read a few titles. But if you have not read any books by Joan Grant... Well, you should. Out of all the books I've read, none are more astonishing in their creation, and even more amazing in their deep wisdom that is simply lost on the modern world.)
My favorite authors are Joan Grant, Carol Berg and Erica Jong. I've actually not done much vampire reading. The older I get the more I shy away from anything bloody, but then again, Carol Berg writes some very intense combat scenes...
Good luck to your health. Aspartame has caused people brain damage in the past. No kidding. Some people it's not so dramatic in effect and gives "mild" pains. For me, artificial sugars give me serious leg cramps that keep me from sleeping. I once accidentally ate yogurt that had splenda in it every day for a week. One the second day the pain started on got worse every day. I didn't figure out until the yogurt ran out and when the pain stopped completely three days after it had run out. Needless to say, I'm against all sugars unless it naturally milled cane sugar (which should be in moderation) and honey (which should also be in moderation). And I only eat either of the two when I'm using it to make something very healthy tasty too. Like tea or organic granola.
I hope to hear from you again.
Angel writes me:
Hey Atara,
Sorry it took awhile for me to respond but I went to go visit my aunt for awhile. While I was at my aunt’s house, I was telling her all about you. I told her that I really wanted to be able to go visit you and to just meet you. I think you should know that I really love receiving emails from you; it always makes my day better in a hundred small ways. I also feel like you’re my long lost sister. Don’t worry you won’t ever lose me… I have to admit I feel the way you do when it comes to your friend Marie from California. I feel that when we meet, I won’t make a good impression on you then you’ll leave me alone and I’ll be sitting here wondering what I did wrong of if there was anything wrong with me. I hate that thought; I try not to think about it but it’s difficult to push aside… yeah I know what you mean when you say we’re on the same wave length. Every time I read your past entries, it just feels like I’m you when you were younger or something (Of course, I wasn’t as “wild” as you are.) It’s crazy but cool.
While I was at my aunt’s house, I was eating foods that I wouldn’t normally eat like tacos, chocolate cake, ice-cream, chips, gum and slushy drinks. And I swear every time I finished eating, I would get an incurable headache that lasted all throughout the day. Also every morning I would awake with the most painful stomachache ever. I would lie there in bed holding my stomach, on the verge of tears, trying to ignore the physical pain. I’m still eating the foods that I wouldn’t normally eat because I haven’t gone shopping yet and I don’t want to starve myself. So I guess I’m hurting myself by eating these ugly foods because I don’t want to starve. Does that make sense? Here’s a strange fact about me, whenever I get a headache, I’ll go obtain me some type of fruit (mostly apples) and the pain occasionally fades away…..
*sigh*
When I read your most recent entry about My boyfriend’s “two sides” I said to myself, “Wow, that’s how I feel.” I had an emotional breakdown yesterday evening. I was texting my ex and I told him something which got him mad and upset. He responded to me with an accusation of liking his friend and saying that he had to go or whatever and so I told him “Well, I guess this is it.” He immediately replied with “What do you mean this is it?” He continuously kept texting me but I never responded. I just sprawled onto my bed crying… I felt like I lost a friend or something. I laid there drowned in my own tears and at the same time this voice in my head kept saying, “Angel, don’t cry. Wipe your tears, this will all pass by.” I sat up on the bed and thought about it, trying to fight the feeling that I felt. I kept crying but then the voice inside my head said, “Get up and look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why you’re crying.” So I did just that and it was very strange. I felt like I was two persons trapped inside one body. One side of me wanted to cry; that side of me was recklessly cursing, asking “why” and saying that I hated my ex. The other side of me was calm; that side of me was reassuring myself that this is nothing to cry over and it was also saying, “I don’t hate Darren but I wish I could.” …. I was also nearly screaming to God; saying “God, you’re my life. People say if God is in your life, you won’t feel lonely anymore and your problems will vanish. But I can’t bring myself to believe that right now. God, if you’re in my life then why do I feel so lonely all the time? Why do I feel so misunderstood and confused still? I’m not supposed to be this girl anymore!!!” I sounded all crazy but somehow I managed to take one last glance at myself in the mirror and promise myself not to cry. It was a very traumatic episode……
Ohh and about my ex: I asked him (before I got him mad) if I didn’t give him the second chance, if he would quit speaking with me. He said, he would still talk with me but he’d feel stupid. That made me feel great but after what happened (me saying “this is it”) I don’t think he’d be willing to speak with me and even if he did, it wouldn’t be the same. I know for a fact that he’d act differently and it would be uncomfortable. I’m beginning to believe like everyone else when they say that keeping contact with an ex is simply impossible. I don’t want to be like that though. I want to be his friend. I really do but ….. I don’t know. Most of the time I tell myself that I won’t go back to him because he hasn’t change and other times I tell myself “Just give it another shot. You’re young, it’s not like you’re going to marry the guy.” I guess this would also be another example of my “two sides.” It’s like my logical side is constantly feuding with my reckless side. I’m not reckless but my thoughts are. (If that makes any sense) I like the fact that you pointed out the whole “he may have self-control issues” because I’ve been trying to point that out that but I could never find the right way to explain it. I think that his thoughts have shifted a bit but his actions will remain the same. That’s what I also told him and he said, “Well, I know I changed. I know some things before that I didn’t know.” I asked him what he meant by that and he said that he felt unsure when we were together because he didn’t know if I really liked him and he felt like a mess-around. Honestly, that makes sense to me……..
Thursday, June 19th 2008 at 7:35pm
Angel,
Perhaps we are sisters. Just because we’re not sisters of the flesh doesn’t mean we’re not sisters in spirit, right?
People are all many-sided. I think that’s something we grow to accept more and more starting at puberty. I used to feel like I had about four different parts of myself constantly fighting. For most people I think this is rooted in conflicting wants. This sense of having multiple selves was the most dramatic for me in 2004 when I wrote a short series of “splitpersonality” entries expressing my different points of view as though they were different people.
I had the part of me that was rather slutty, and constantly horny. That part of me was very carefree and very open to drugs and experimentation and loved to party, flirt, have sex, and toy with men. I believe I called her Persilla. Then, there was Layla, the part of me that wanted to be loved, and didn’t want to stray from my morals and wanted to make real friends and to read and indulge in art and reading and self expression. Then there was the very depressed side of me, the cynical part that would claim the entire argument was madness and that sex and love were both temporary, and that life was temporary and that I’d never be satisfied and that life was just a ball of shit. Okay, so that’s only three, not four, but I found that often when I had an “important” decision to make I’d find that I could identify with two to four sides of the argument and wouldn’t know where to turn.
Questioning yourself is healthy in my opinion. Doubting yourself however, is not healthy. Recognizing our inner duality is wise, letting that duality actually tear us into two people or more is insanity, literally. I find that I feel less and less like I have two sides to a point. Generally I can question my own motives until I find my most inner belief that is deeper than my two external thoughts.
For example, you want to hate Darren, but you also want to love Darren, but you also want Darren out of your life, but you also don’t want to have to let him out of your life, am I right? These seem like contradictions, but deep down, you know better. These are not contradictions. You want to hate Darren because you love Darren. You don’t want to love Darren because he’s hurt you and you believe he will continue to hurt you in the future, and for this reason you want him out of your life. But because you love him, you still wish you could keep some sort of contact with him. And as much as it sucks to know and hear, it’s common. I’ve been there, along with many other thousands of people. What isn’t common is being able to make sound judgement on the situation, and I’m not saying I’m one to do so.
I read the “I like you because...” chain-mail letter. It’s cute I suppose. Sort of like buying a card for someone that one thousand other people have already bought and given to someone... I like writing my own personal messages. Not that I object to receiving cards that thousands of others have received, just that I mind sending them myself. I like you because you’re open to new ideas, because I see myself in you, because I believe you have a strong will, a powerful heart and that you’re beautiful on the inside (though I can’t speak for you outside since I never saw it, lol) and I also believe that you’re going to brighten a lot of lives with your spark throughout your lifetime. I like you because you’re willing to give and to get, and so many of us can only do one or the other. I find it’s hard to talk to anybody who can talk and listen just as well.
My Mom knows all that I know about you, and she says she’d love to have you over for a month this summer. A whole freaking month! I said that a month might scare you away, and that your parents would probably never allow it, and that it might be difficult financially for everyone. But I thought I’d let you know that you have her invite for an entire month. I personally think a week is more reasonable for a first visit, and I don’t want us to tread on each other’s toes on our first meeting.
My mother wants to provide you with air-fare and everything, but that’s pie in the sky because she can’t even afford to fix our car at the moment! So, speaking from what I know about our financial limitations, I can say that if you can find the money for air-fare, and enough pocket-change to feel comfortable while you’re here that we’ll pick you up from the air port, provide your meals, your bed, and your entertainment. All you need after that is your parent’s permission.
One last detail is that we plan on going to the SFX convention at the end of August. This is an amazing convention and it takes place in Toronto. Tickets are $50 each, and I think we could afford to take you along (in terms of bed & transportation) for another $50. I don’t know your parent’s financial situation, but if we met prior to then, like perhaps in July, then you might decide you want to return soon for another week or so, and if you could afford $100 extra, then you could come on the last week of August and come to SFX with us. (Us means My boyfriend, me and my mother, my Dad has no preference for going.)
I imagine that you staying here would mean you using my futon, which is perfectly comfortable, since I used to use it as my bed, until I switched the two futons. (One is always up in couch position and the other is always down in bed position. I could simply put the “couch” one down at night for you.) This would mean very little privacy for both of us for the week, which is another reason why I think a week is more reasonable for a first visit since it might be hard to be that personal with me the first time you meet me for such an extended period of time.
If My boyfriend decides to be your friend too (which may be a little difficult because he’s so quiet and distant to people he doesn’t know) then you may find that he’ll offer to pay your way to come with us to SFX and such. But I can’t make that offer in his name, which is another reason why I think you should come down for a week sometime in the near future. I hope we can become like sisters in the flesh sometime soon, and not just in the spirit.
Love,
Phoenix
Friday, June 20th 2008 at 10:15pm
How blessed this day is to not be too hot or too cold. How wonderful it is to have running hot water! How ordinary these two things are, and how completely ignored those things were yesterday. Today however they were overly appreciated, because otherwise I would have suffered much more the monthly torture we so blithely call “cramps” as if that could ever describe the feeling!
Back when I was on birth control I thought it was just awful to have something akin to a stomachache crossed with abdominal cramps and gas pains for several hours every other month. I didn’t know the meaning of “cramps” then, because then the term “cramps” was quite adequate a description of the womanly hardship.
Now I know what I would have gone through the past ten years if I had not been on birth control for eight of them. Cramps are not just in the abdominal region, but also within your thighs, and then your calves, and so deeply rooted in your bowels that you never stop feeling like you have to take a dump. I spent almost two hours on the toilet today with my entire floor-length thick-fuzzy bathroom wadded up on top of my thighs pressed to my stomach, hunched over constantly feeling on the verge of vomiting, with waves of goose-bumps that felt more like needle-pricks which very quickly escalates into a headache from all the contortions I’ve been putting my face in.
It wasn’t long before I decided that “drastic action” was necessary. And by which I mean that I swallowed three calcium tablets (with magnesium and zinc added) and ate a package of rice crisps while hiding under a large pile of blankets... At least from the waist down. From the waist up I’ve actually been rather hot all day, but not as hot as I would have been had it been like on of those days out of last week...
Drastic action was carried from pills and crisps to a very hot bath. This many sound quite ordinary to most anyone, but I actually can’t stand truly hot water on most occasions. I don’t generally like hot-tubs unless they are warm-tubs in disguise. My mother claims I bathe in luke-warm water, almost cool water. I find my mother’s dish-washing water to be hotter than I can stand. However, there are times when nothing but very hot water will due, and this was one of those times.
I spent four hours in the tub, almost three of which I spent reading the exciting mid-chapters of second far-memory book by Joan Grant in the Egyptian tale of Ra-ab. One of the two books is called the Eyes of Horus but I can’t remember if it’s the one I’m reading now, or the first one. Perhaps the other is called the Watchers of the Horizon. It’s truly a must-read, even more so than the Earth’s Children series by Jean Auel, and even more so Fear of Flying by Erica Jong. Yes, there is much wisdom in those books, but it is completely in the shadow of the underlying wisdom to be learned from Joan Grant’s past lives, and I’m sure I will read her books again and again in the future.
My hair is still wet from my adventure into the hot depths of the tub-water, and I’m feeling quite better now. The long soak resulted in very smooth and clean skin which I’m rather unaccustomed to. Months without a working bath-tub this summer, and a couple without hot water all-together compiled with my childhood notion that washing wasn’t really mandatory hasn’t done the best for my skin. Yet, time has shown me the light in the soap and hot water! Alas, I digress...
Look, an entire entry without anything to say about Crusifer. The quiet audience is the happy one, for the talkative one doesn’t pay attention and the loud one is disrespectful, if you get my drift.
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