I just watched an episode of the Tyra show that touched on a very controversial topic that very deeply affects me. The show centered around how difficult life is for a black woman in modern society, and myself, being a white woman, you’d think that this wouldn’t have an effect on me, but it does.
I have rather strong opinions when it comes to racial stereotypes and especially strong opinions about interracial relationships and even friendships. For me, black women have been one of the largest obstacles in my life. I feel like black women actually make life difficult for the average white woman, and that by no means do we deserve the treatment we often get.
Growing up in a neighborhood that is predominately black (to the point where I don’t see anyone white at the corner gas station except me) I often find myself the object of ridicule and hatred. If this is some remnant of slavery it doesn’t have anything to do with me. If I was offered a position somewhere in the world where I was given slaves I’d ensure that they instead were to be paid for their work and given the option to stay and work for pay or leave as they please.
Slavery is actually another topic I have strong opinions about. I don’t see it as such an awful thing for black people to have been brought her from Africa to work. That, in itself, has nothing wrong with it. It’s the fact that it was done by force, and that they were underfed, and not paid at all that made it a terrible thing. However, jews have gone through much worse tribulation, and many other races have also been victimized, so to single out black people as the victim is just ridiculous. Beyond that, there is no longer any slavery in America, and therefore that should not be a just cause for a white person (male or female) to be targets with such harsh actions.
Speaking from experience, it’s terrifying to have a black woman come at you. I avoid black women in my life because they honestly scare me. They’re so loud, and so quick to fight, and they take comments meant in a conversational way to be meant in a hostile way. The last thing I need in my life is to come to blows with a black woman in my neighborhood. I probably wouldn’t survive. I’m physically weak, and have no fighting experience, whereas they (clearly) are much stronger than I and quick to hostility which leads me to believe they’ve been in many fights.
The entire audience on this episode of the Tyra show was black women, and just watching it made me feel uncomfortable. If I had been there in person I would have been terrified, and yet I wish I could have been there so I could speak up for my beliefs. For one thing, no one said anything about one of the main reasons why black women have trouble getting paid as much or why they have trouble getting high-paying jobs where white people are dominant.
I personally believe that it’s speech. The white race in this country came from England, and we speak English. Ebonics (sp?) is not English. “Anit got no need to speak all proper fo nobody,” is not an attitude which will get anybody a job under a white boss. It doesn’t sound attractive and it doesn’t look attractive to speak that way. A statistic was revealed that 73% of inter-racial relationships are between a black man and a white woman. All that was said about why this might be was that black woman don’t “take care of their men” the way white women do. Honestly, I can’t speak for that from a racial standpoint because I have no idea what black women do and don’t do for their men. I do know however that the new age of women isn’t interested in men, they’re interested in work and money.
I know this because every woman under the age of thirty-five that I’ve met has told me that I have to get a job and support myself before I should worry about a man. They tell me I’m a “gold digger” or that I’m lazy, or that being “old fashioned” is just a myth to cover up my inability or my laziness. I think that is just plain stupid. It used to be that women were not valued for their ideas when they had so much more time to think, (while the kids were in bed or with the nanny and while the husband was at work) and now that women are valued for their thoughts we’re expected to take care of the kids and work! I personally will stand by my desire to home-school my children no matter what.
Back to my topic however. Many of these black women claim that we’re stealing their men. And beyond that, we’re stealing the “good” ones. No one on the show pointed out why that is either. Partly it’s the speech I’m sure. A “good” black man doesn’t want to hear that sort of speech anymore than a white man does, and beyond that a “good” black man wants a “good” woman. What’s a good woman? What’s a good man? In my opinion, a good man has a work ethic, is polite and generous, cares about world affairs, and cares about making their woman happy, and a good woman wants to do everything she can for her children, is polite and generous, cares about world affairs and will do everything to please their man.
In short, they’re educated. So many young people can’t even read anymore. When a black person chooses to not learn how to read then they are choosing to stay slaves. Some people might be appalled at such a statement, but I have met at least four black people in my life who were over the age of fifteen who couldn’t read and who had no interest in learning, and even worse, they were proud of it! A smart black man doesn’t want a woman who can’t read, that’s for sure. A nice black man doesn’t want a woman who is always getting into fights. A man who is interested in self improvement doesn’t want a woman who is content to stay in the same shallow line of thought forever.
I like educated black men. They seem so much more passionate to me, and having soft large lips is a plus too. It might also be the broken stereotype that I’m attracted to. Intelligent speech coming from a black person is very compelling to me...
I seem to be drawing a black from there. What really does make a smart black man so much more appealing that a smart white man? Perhaps it’s because it’s very hard for a black man to seem like a dork. And being a dork is not attractive, while being smart is. That’s probably why I lost my virginity to Nathan. He wasn’t a dork, but his intellect was compelling. While I’ve never dated anyone who wasn’t intelligent, none of them were dorks, unless you count one week with a guy named Mike, who I never slept with and in the end, didn’t like being around at all.
Sometimes I do feel guilty for dating nothing but black men since I was fourteen. When my Dad casually said to me over a year ago “you seem to be having a lot of salt and pepper relationships” I was stung. Why would he say that to me? Is he angry because I would rather date a black man than a white man like himself? Is his sudden interest in clubbing with young black men related to me? He did start that around the same time I started dating them... Is he trying to understand my taste?
It’s really not the appearance as much as I talk about appearances. Yes, the appearance (not so much the size, honestly) of the dick and the size of the lips do hold something to be said, but it’s something other than that. I do see attractive white men too from time to time, and in reality I see an attractive black man as often as I see an attractive white man... So what is it really?
As much as I’ve analyzed myself, I’ve never really come to a whole conclusion on that matter. I say that black men seem to be more passionate, and less dorky... But the type of black man I like has got to be more rare than a passionate and smart white man who isn’t a dork. I’m really at a loss for a good reason that makes perfect sense. Maybe it’s more about how I feel about myself... Maybe I don’t feel like I belong with a white man because of who I am? Logically that makes no sense, but emotionally I feel a small click from that.
I suddenly find that I have a headache. Thinking about this is actually rather difficult.
I mustn’t be quite so emotional sometimes. Crusifer, despite his lacks is a fine catch. He’s completely willing to do what it takes to make things work, and if I am too blind to see when he is hurt (and vengeful only because of it) then I’m being no better.
Most of our issues stem from both of us being hurt at the same time, which makes us both insensitive to the other’s needs. For me to be reproachful of his actions after I’ve said something to him that he took as condescending or something that was borne of my own momentary scorn. How can I consider his indignation any less of importance than my own?
I find my earlier thoughts completely reversed all over again. And not just by way of mending to how I was previously... I truly have grown new love for him. You see, when we made the “all or nothing” deal, which meant that we would both give to each other to our fullest of potential that meant that every single day in which I was capable of having sex with him (if I don’t have cramps, soreness, an infection or extreme exhaustion) that I would. In return, he would give all the affection and attention I desire in whatever way I desire.
Oddly all this sex has made me feel closer to him as it’s made him feel closer to me. I now feel that sex is affection, just like he feels about it. I’ve grown to feel that way about it so quickly and so completely that I was deeply distressed by having cramps that prevented us from having sex making his not able to come home (from doing an over-time tattoo) and not greeting me (from his excitement over meeting more customers) all the more unbearable.
Today, while I could have shed the sex on the excuse that it’s still only the third day of my period I proclaimed that I was fine and that I wanted to have sex, because, well, I did. I find this an extraordinary development which makes me wonder at my desire’s real roots. Desire is so completely unrelated to lust. Lust is some manifestation caused by either excess hormones or something external that is highly arousing. But plain desire that is not so lusty, that outlasts a boner and outlasts a sudden burst of wetness is something altogether different. Desire is this deep contentment that wishes to further itself through the closeness of intercourse...
Desire comes from love and affinity and contentment. Needing outside sources to stimulate lust therefore, means there is a lack of the emotions that breed desire. This would help explain cheating, porn and the overuse of sexuality in today’s culture. What’s odd is that I didn’t read that anywhere, though it seems to ring truth. What I felt when I was going through puberty was lust borne of racing hormones. Now that those are gone I will likely only ever feel aroused through peaceful and graceful desire, which is pretty much fine by me.
I feel incredibly at ease right now. I don’t really need anyone besides Crusifer in my life right now, unless you count my parents who still help to provide the freedoms that I enjoy. I have to remember that while love is most important to me, being able to sleep and wake as I wish is a privilege worthy of merit. Crusifer is supporting me though he’s not my husband yet, and I think that ought to sport more of his character than his hastily said words while he was either upset or drunk.
Currently I’m dealing with his drinking by allowing it as long as he remains civil. It’s come to the point where I see now that his behavior really has little to do with the drink but with his friends and how they make him behave. The person he is that has adapted to them, “Cav,” is entirely unsuitable behavior for a husband or father, and because that’s what I wish him to be, Cav makes me angry. He always says that if he had children that he would be different. I’ve taken these words with a grain of salt, but he’s always clung to that: When he’s a husband he won’t go out.
That in consideration it also is worthy of note that he claims going out is always a disappointment. His cousins behaved as “bitch ass niggas” which was not a surprising report to me. He was distressed by their continued ignorance, but that also was no surprise. I said to him, “They’re just like you’re co-workers. They have no craft and therefore they can not respect someone who has worked hard for their craft. They’re idols bust guns and smack hoes, and because you’ll never be bustin’ guns or keeping your pimp hand strong they will never respect you for you. You are an artist, but to them all they see is that you are not driving a pimp car with rims. They only respect people for being better at being ass-holes than they themselves are. They want you to fuck other people over too, and to respect you for it, you have to do it better than they do. They won’t change Crusifer.”
He reports that his cousins are in and out of jail, and that several family members have recently died and undue ages and that they’re all doing drugs, and that most of them don’t have jobs. He’s disappointed in them, but because his cousins are the family he grew up with he feels like he has to be loyal to them. His brother is his step-brother and his father is his step-father and his mother doesn’t approve of his job or his chosen life and while he loves his mother to death they’re not always at ease around each other. And despite how much he loves his brother, he’s in the service rarely is in Buffalo. I like his brother a lot and wish he was around. He’s clearly intelligent and has his head on straight, unlike his cousins who are just as bad as any random people who bought weed off of Tre. That lot of people were a sorry bunch.
Anyway, in conclusion, I think Crusifer and I can work things out.
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