The Art of Happiness

Wednesday January, 21st 2008 at 1:50am

Random note on my current situation: My boyfriend had to work late again tonight. He’s probably not working anymore though, he’s likely smoking a blunt at Frankie’s house and playing Call of Duty. I don’t think he’s really made any real attempt to cut back on the weed yet, though he’s claimed to. It would likely take himself twice as long to wean himself from the weed as it has the alcohol; and that was two years. I’m not going to wait another four for him to come to his senses, that’s for sure.
Side note: My boyfriend just got home at 2:30am and he smells like garbage, weed and other assorted smells that clash. He seems to be a bit disoriented.

Subject of the entry: Something that stuck me in “The Art of Happiness” that I just read was; one of the main causes of suffering is “resistence to change.” I guess that’s what’s going on here in my life. I need change, but I fear it. I’m afraid of regret; which is another topic in the chapter I just read.
Yet again, I recommend this book to anyone. It’s premise:
"Over time I became convinced that the Dalai Lama had learned how to live with a sense of fulfillment and a degree of serenity that I had never seen in other people. ...Although he is a Buddhist monk with a lifetime of Buddhist training and study, I began to wonder if one could identify a set of his beliefs or practices that could be utilized by non-Buddhists as well – practices that could be directly applied to our lives to simply help us to become happier, strong, perhaps less afraid." [pages 3-4]
"When I initially conceived of this book, I envisioned a conventional self-help format in which the Dalai Lama would present clear and simple solutions to all life's problems. ...By the end of our series of meetings I had given up on that idea. I found that his approach encompassed a much broader and more complex paradigm." [pages 7-8]
"Underlying all the Dalai Lama's methods there is a set of basic beliefs that act as a substrate for all his actions: a belief in the fundamental gentleness and goodness of all human beings, a belief in the value of compassion, a belief in a policy of kindness, and a sense of commonality among all living creatures." [page 8]
I find, that thus far in the book, I have yet to disagree. It’s simply packed with simply put wisdom. I’d like to have a shortened version of the book to refer to on a regular basis, so hence the following notes:

::The Purpose of Life::

*We have the right to happiness, and this is the goal in life.
* External events affect short-term happiness, but then happiness levels return to a baseline
* Feelings of happiness are generally how we perceive our situation; how satisfied we are with what we have
* Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare
* Use inner contentment to fight greed
* Pleasure (i.e. sex), which may provide a temporary sense of happiness is not sustainable

Training the Mind for Happiness:
Since the source of happiness is mental, the most effective way to seek happiness is by training our minds in the ways of happiness. This is a gradual, lifelong process. "The practice of Dharma is a constant battle within, replacing previous negative conditioning or habituation with new positive conditioning. ... Through training we can change; we can transform ourselves." [page 43]
Reclaiming our Innate State of Happiness: "I believe that every one of us has the basis to be happy, to access the warm and compassionate states of mind that bring happiness: In fact it is one of my fundamental beliefs that not only do we inherently possess the potential for compassion, but I believe that the basic or underlying nature of human beings is gentleness." [page 52]

* Once basic human needs are met, no other worldly items are needed to achieve complete happiness
* Negative emotions and behaviors are harmful, whereas positive ones are helpful in achieving happiness
* Motivate yourself for each day and try to assess progress each day before going to bed
* The proper utilization of our intelligence and knowledge is to effect changes from within to develop a good heart

::Human Warmth and Compassion::

* Empathizing with people’s suffering is a good exercise
* When meeting someone new, think of what you have in common

A New Model of Intimacy:
The Dalai Lama bases his relationships not on the specifics of people's personalities, but on the general aspects of the human condition: All people want to be happy and escape suffering. By developing compassion for the human condition, a person can relate to anyone and need never be lonely or lack for companionship.
Deepening our Connection to Others:
Relationships based on compassion (on desiring that all people be happy and escape suffering) are based on unchanging aspects of the human condition, and so are more stable than relationships based on status, common interests, wealth, sex, or romance.
The Value and Benefits of Compassion:
Developing the ability to view all people with compassion is a key component of having healthy, stable relationships with others and being happy.

::Transforming Suffering::

* No one is without suffering – it is natural and normal
* Face problems head on – don’t push them aside
* One can be prepared by familiarizing oneself with the types of suffering that can occur to people

Facing Suffering:
Though specific pains and misfortunes are avoidable, pain and misfortune in general are not. A healthy outlook is not to be surprised when pain and misfortune occur. We transform misfortune into suffering by our mental reactions. Learning to tolerate misfortune is the first step on the path towards liberation from suffering.

* In large part, whether you suffer depends on how you respond to a given situation. Dwelling on a painful event, guilt or regret magnifies the suffering
* Don’t personalize pain – it happens to everyone
* Accept the changes that are inevitable in life (i.e. people get older and changes are associated with that).

Self-Created Suffering:
-Replaying painful or humiliating scenes in our minds, stoking up our negative feelings.
-Refusing to recognize the impermanence of things.
-Resistence to change.

Shifting Perspective:
*Nothing and no one is bad from every possible perspective.
*Look for where you yourself are at fault whenever thinking about where others are at fault.
* There is a tendency of seeing someone who has wronged you as 100% bad.
*Try to think of the positive qualities of people who you feel wronged by
* Hatred can be the biggest stumbling block to developing compassion and happiness.
* Enemies can be great teachers; they can serve as practice for developing patience and tolerance.

Finding Meaning in Pain and Suffering:
Pain and suffering are easier to endure if we find meaning in them. Our own suffering gives us empathy with the suffering of others and increases our compassion. It also motivates us to progress on the path of liberation.

::Overcoming Obstacles::

Bringing About Change:
The Dalai Lama describes a five step process for changing oneself: Learning, conviction, determination, action, and effort. It is possible to train yourself to habitually respond to the world with positive mental states rather than negative ones, but it is a long, gradual process.

* Remind yourself of the destructive effects of negative behavior.
* Challenge yourself to combat anger and hatred.
* Patience and tolerance are antidotes to anger and hatred.
* During depression, collect evidence that contradicts the negative emotions (i.e. I’m not a failure because I’ve done XYZ and that makes me not a failure).

Dealing With Anger and Hatred:
* Anger and hatred are our biggest enemies
* When anger and hatred come about, analyze the cause of them and combat them with cultivation of patience and tolerance

Dealing With Anxiety and Building Self-Esteem:
*Cultivating sincere motivation decreases anxiety.
*Honesty and compassion are antidotes to self-hatred, and build a healthy form of self-esteem.
*Cognitive intervention – this is done the same way as with anger and hatred: replace anxiety causing thoughts with well-reasoned positive thoughts and attitudes.
*If there is no solution to a given problem, there is no sense in worrying about it.
*The closer one gets to being motivated by altruism, the more fearless one becomes in the face of even extremely anxiety-provoking circumstances.

::Quotes::

“In generating compassion, you start by recognizing that you do not want suffering and that you have a right to have happiness. This can be verified or validated by your own experience. You then recognize that other people, just like yourself, also do not want to suffer and that they have a right to have happiness. So this becomes the basis of your beginning to generate compassion.
“So…let us mediate on compassion today. Begin by visualizing a person who is acutely suffering, someone who is in pain or is in a very unfortunate situation. For the first three minutes of the meditation, reflect on that individual’s suffering in a more analytic way—think about their intense suffering and the unfortunate state of that person’s existence. After thinking about that person’s suffering for a few minutes, next, try to relate that to yourself, thinking, ‘that individual has the same capacity for experiencing pain, joy, happiness, and suffering that I do.’ Then, try to allow your natural response to arise—a natural feeling of compassion towards that person. Try to arrive at a conclusion: thinking how strongly you wish for that person to be free from that suffering. And resolve that you will help that person to be relieved from their suffering. Finally, place your mind single-pointedly on that kind of conclusion or resolution, and for the last few minutes of the meditation try to simply generate your mind in a compassionate or loving state.”

"But then there's another level of spirituality. That is what I call basic spirituality – basic human qualitites of goodness, kindness, compassion, caring. Whether we are believers or non believers, this kind of spirituality is essential. I personally consider this second level of spirituality to be more important than the first." [page 307]

"The idea that everyone should be a Buddhist is quite extreme. And that kind of extreme thinking just causes problems. ... Now, when confronted with another religion, initially a positive feeling, a comfortable feeling will arise. We'll feel if that person finds a different tradition more suitable, more effective, then that's good!" [page 197]

“This afternoon, let us meditate on the practice of Tong-Len, ‘Giving and Receiving.’ This practice is meant to help train the mind, to strengthen the natural power and force of compassion. This is achieved because Tong-Len meditation helps counteract our selfishness. It increases the power and strength of our mind by enhancing our courage to open ourselves to others’ suffering.
“To begin this exercise, first visualize on one side of you a group of people who are in desperate need of help, those who are in an unfortunate state of suffering, those living under conditions of poverty, hardship and pain. Visualize this group of people on one side of you clearly in your mind. Then, on the other side, visualize yourself as the embodiment of a self-centered person, with a customary selfish attitude, indifferent to the well-being and needs of others. And then in between this suffering group of people and this selfish representation of you see yourself in the middle, as a neutral observer.
“Next, notice which side you are naturally inclined towards. Are you more inclined towards that single individual, the embodiment of selfishness? Or do your natural feelings of empathy reach out to the group of weaker people who are in need? If you look objectively, you can see that the well-being of a group or large number of individuals is more important than that of one single individual.
“After that, focus your attention on the needy and desperate people. Direct all your positive energy to them. Mentally give them your successes, your resources, your collection of virtues. And after you have done that, visualize taking upon yourself their suffering, their problems, and all their negativities.
“For example, you can visualize an innocent starving child from Somalia and feel how you would respond naturally towards that sight. In this instance, when you experience a deep feeling of empathy towards the suffering of that individual, it isn’t based on considerations like ‘He’s my relative’ or ‘She’s my friend.’ You don’t even know that person. But the fact that the other person is a human being and you, yourself, are a human being allows your natural capacity for empathy to emerge and enable you to reach out. So you can visualize something like that and think, ‘This child has no capacity of his or her own to be able to relieve himself or herself from his or her present state of difficulty or hardship.’ Then, mentally take upon yourself all the suffering of poverty, starvation, and the feeling of deprivation, and mentally give your facilities, wealth, and success to this child. So, through practicing this kind of ‘giving-and-receiving’ visualization, you can train your mind.
“When engaging in this practice it is sometimes helpful to being by first imagining your own future suffering and, with an attitude of compassion, take your own future suffering upon yourself right now, with the sincere wish of freeing yourself from all future suffering. After you gain some practice in generating a compassionate state of mind towards yourself, you can then expand the process to include taking on the suffering of others.
“When you do the visualization of ‘taking upon yourself,’ it is useful to visualize these sufferings, problems, and difficulties in the form of poisonous substances, dangerous weapons, or terrifying animals—things the very sight of which normally makes you shudder. So, visualize the suffering in these forms, and then absorb them directly into your heart.
“The purpose of visualizing these negative and frightening forms being dissolved into our hearts is to destroy our habitual selfish attitudes that reside there. However, for those individuals who may have problems with self-image, self-hatred, anger towards themselves, or low self-esteem, then it is important to judge for themselves whether this particular practice is appropriate or not. It may not be.
“This Tong-Len practice can become quite powerful if you combine the ‘giving and receiving’ with the breath; that is, imagine ‘receiving’ when inhaling and ‘giving’ when exhaling. When you do this visualization effectively, it will make you feel some slight discomfort. This is an indication that it is hitting its target—the self-centered, egocentric attitude that we normally have. Now, let us meditate.”

“Let us imagine a scenario in which someone who you know very well, someone who is close or dear to you, is in a situation in which he or she loses his or her temper. You can imagine this occurring either in a very acrimonious relationship or in a situation in which something personally upsetting is happening. The person is so angry that he or she has lost all his or her mental composure, creating very negative vibrations, even going to the extent of beating himself or herself up or breaking things.
“Then, reflect upon the immediate effects of the person’s rage. You’ll see a physical transformation happening to that person. This person whom you feel close to, whom you like, the very sight of whom gave you pleasure in the past, now turns into this ugly person, even physically speaking. The reason why I think you should visualize this happening to someone else is because it is easier to see the faults of others than to see your own faults. So, using your imagination, do this meditation and visualization for a few minutes.
“At the end of that visualization, analyze the situation and relate the circumstances to your own experience. See that you yourself have been in this state many times. Resolve that ‘I shall never let myself fall under the sway of such intense anger and hatred, because if I do that, I will be in the same position. I will also suffer all these consequences, lose my peace of mind, lose my composure, assume this ugly physical appearance,’ and so on. So once you make that decision, then for the last few minutes of the meditation focus your mind on that conclusion; without further analysis, simply let your mind remain on your resolution not to fall under the influence of anger and hatred.”

“Let us do another meditation using visualization. Begin by visualizing someone whom you dislike, someone who annoys you, causes a lot of problems for you, or gets on your nerves. Then, imagine a scenario in which the person irritates you, or does something that offends you or annoys you. And, in your imagination, when you visualize this, let your natural response follow; just let it flow naturally. Then see how you feel, see whether that causes the rate of your heartbeat to go up, and so on. Examine whether you are comfortable or uncomfortable; see if you immediately become more peaceful or if you develop an uncomfortable mental feeling. Judge for yourself; investigate. So for a few minutes, three or four minutes perhaps, judge, and experiment. And then at the end of your investigation, if you discover that ‘Yes, it is of no use to allow that irritation to develop. Immediately I lose my peace of mind,’ then say to yourself, ‘In the future, I will never do that.’ Develop that determination. Finally for the last few minutes of the exercise, place your mind single-pointedly upon that conclusion or determination. So that’s the meditation.”

“The purpose of this exercise is to begin to recognize and get a feel for the nature of our mind, at least on a conventional level. Generally, when we refer to our ‘mind,’ we are talking about an abstract concept. Without having a direct experience of our mind, for example, if we are asked to identify the mind, we may be compelled to merely point to the brain. Or, if we are asked to define the mind, we may say it is something that has the capacity to ‘know,’ something that is ‘clear’ and ‘cognitive.’ But without having directly grasped the mind through meditative practices, these definitions are just words. It’s important to be able to identify the mind through direct experience, not just as an abstract concept. So the purpose of this exercise is to be able to directly feel or grasp the conventional nature of the mind, so when you say the mind has qualities of ‘clarity’ and ‘cognition,’ you will be able to identify it through experience, not just as an abstract concept.

“This exercise helps you to deliberately stop the discursive thoughts and gradually remain in that state for a longer and longer duration. As you practice this exercise, eventually you will get to a feeling as if there is nothing there, a sense of vacuity. But if you go farther, you eventually begin to recognize the underlying nature of the mind, the qualities of ‘clarity’ and ‘knowing.’ It is similar to having a pure crystal glass of water. If the water is pure, you can see the bottom of the glass, but you still recognize that the water is there.
“So, today, let us meditate on nonconceptuality. This is not a mere state of dullness, or a blanked-out state of mind. Rather, what you should do is, first of all, generate the determination that ‘I will maintain a state without conceptual thoughts.’ The way in which you should do this is this:
“Generally speaking, our mind is predominantly directed towards external objects. Our attention follows after the sense experiences. It remains at a predominantly sensory and conceptual level. In other words, normally our awareness is directed towards physical sensory experiences and mental concepts. But in this exercise, what you should do is to withdraw your mind inward; don’t let it chase after or pay attention to sensory objects. At the same time, don’t allow it to be so totally withdrawn that there is a kind of dullness or lack of mindfulness. You should maintain a very full state of alertness and mindfulness, and then try to see the natural state of your consciousness—a state in which your consciousness is not afflicted by thoughts of the past, the things that have happened, your memories and remembrances; nor is it afflicted by thoughts of the future, like your future plans, anticipations, fears, and hopes. But rather, try to remain in a natural and neutral state.
“This is a bit like a river that is flowing quite strongly, in which you cannot see the riverbed very clearly. If, however, there was some way you could stop the flow in both directions, from where the water is coming and to where the water is flowing, then you could keep the water still. That would allow you to see the base of the river quite clearly. Similarly, when you are able to stop your mind from chasing sensory objects and thinking about the past and future and so on, and when you can free your mind from being totally ‘blanked out’ as well, then you will begin to see underneath this turbulence of the thought processes. There is an underlying stillness, an underlying clarity of the mind. You should try to observe or experience this…
“This can be very difficult at the initial stage, so let us begin to practice from this very session. At the initial state, when you begin to experience this underlying natural state of consciousness, you might experience it in the form of some sort of ‘absence.’ This is happening because we are so habituated to understanding our mind in terms of external objects; we tend to look at the world through our concepts, images, and so on. So when you withdraw your mind from external objects, it’s almost as if you can’t recognize your mind. There’s a kind of absence, a kind of vacuity. However, as you slowly progress and get used to it, you begin to notice an underlying clarity, a luminosity. That’s when you begin to appreciate and realize the natural state of the mind.
“Many of the truly profound meditative experiences must come on the basis of this kind of stillness of mind….Oh,” the Dalai Lama laughed, “I should warn that in this type of meditation, since there is no specific object to focus on, there is a danger of falling asleep.
“So, now let us meditate…
“To begin, first do three rounds of breathing, and focus your attention simply on the breath. Just be aware of inhaling, exhaling, and then inhaling, exhaling—three times. Then, start the meditation.”




Wednesday January, 21st 2008 at 4:15am

Matt,
I was curled up, comfortable, and theoretically near sleep. The laptop was shut off. The lights are off. The resident male is asleep. And then, I had some thoughts too profound to be ignored.
A pillar and a bowl... I’ve been thinking about that concept long and hard. My pillar... You? My mom? Certainly not My Boyfriend. My bowl... My blog? My First Love? Certainly not My Boyfriend. More and more I realize that My Boyfriend’s mind-set is that this is an exchange of services, and I find the exchange of services themselves without the actual genuine intimacy aspect to be completely worthless. If we’re just trading services, than I’m a cheap whore.
I’ve finally come to a very difficult realization; and that is that everything that sex has to offer is only actually received if you can receive everything it has to offer without having it. To elaborate; sex is good for the body; it’s a healthy exercise. But, if the person you’re having sex with is not “good for you” mentally, then you’re going to go through enough stress to counteract the benefits of the exercise. Sex is a great metal release from stress. But, if the person you’re having it with causes you stress, again, it’s negated. And most importantly, sex is very temporary and in long-term it provides carnal benefits, not life-long fulfilling benefits (in and of itself, not counting children.)
At the exact same moment I had that realization, the impact of another hit me as well; I also realized why I’ve been experiencing difficulty with my hormones around you (at times, less so in recent encounters, but nonetheless, this is still a valid point): It brings to mind the quote I read recently; “The desire for intimacy is the desire to share one’s innermost self with another.” That’s half the reason, and I believe the other half is that my life is so lacking in genuine loving human contact that I feel desperate to claim you. I’ve felt as if I could just win you over, or if I could just claim you, and create some sort of false permanence.
Now, I understand that these concepts are completely ludicrous. It’s as you put it (in reference to kissing in particular); “Somehow that actually feels farther away. You know?” I didn’t then, but I do now.
In compilation with these thoughts, I consider recent events: My Boyfriend and I didn’t see each other all Sunday, hardly saw each other Saturday either, and then yesterday and today he came home at 2:30am very intoxicated. Both times he asked for sex, verbally, no less. Those are the only words he’s spoked to me in person for two days. The same phrase, “don’t you want to fuck me?” And my reply, “No.” How can I want to have sex with someone I have not seen since Friday?! And to top that off, if I recall correctly we had a dumb quarrel on Friday as well. I handled it well enough then, because things had been going fine then for a long time, but this time I understand the pattern, now I see the common factors.
My Boyfriend is looking for temporary pleasure; he revolves his life around it; weed, hanging out, video games and sex. Aside from that he works, does artistic things and tries to learn to program. No where in there does he try to find meaning in life, self-satisfaction, or does he go out of his way to learn anything that isn’t related to 3D-modeling or something along those lines. He doesn’t retain anything from our “meaningful” conversations because he has no personal opinions about anything that isn’t in the pre-specified categories. Externally, he seems very much like me, and yet internally we’re not anywhere near as alike as I thought.
Of course, on a universal level, we’re all trying to cope with the fact that life is full of suffering, and some of us are just doing better than others. My method has been to hitch on to one person and try to revolve my life around that one person. Is it possible for this to work? Sure, if you find another person willing to do the same thing for you who is available for at least half your waking hours, and all of your sleeping ones. Probable? Not really.
It’s all beginning to make sense now. Why I’ve been unhappy when I’ve been unhappy, and why I’ve been happy when I’ve been happy. Happiness is a direct result of compassion, intimacy and fulfillment, which are only gained through knowledge, discipline and a clam state of mind. Keeping those things in mind... It just opens up a new world.
In this new world of understanding I have also realized that the people who like me are the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. The more intelligent, the more they like me. This makes sense in retrospect to what I just said about knowledge and compassion. The more intelligent the person, the more they recognize the possibility of gaining a “intimate” (in the completely non-traditional sense) relationship with me through my honesty, openness, directness, and compassion for others.
Starting with this positive self-image, I can work on my judgmental habits and my one-person habit...
And it all comes back to you because of the doors you opened up in my mind to even get me to this point. Concepts like, “how ever you took it is fine” and “social introversion” and “you were born, you already won,” and “we’re all completely subjective.”
It all comes back to you because you are the anomaly that proves so much that I believed completely wrong. For that, I’ve wanted to thank you, but instead I’ve tried in pitiful ways to be antagonizing. I’ve purposely tried to be hurtful because I wanted to believe you’d care enough to be hurt. I’ve been jealous, and so I’ve tried to claim you. I’ve been angry with my life, and so I’ve placed on you the expectation of fixing everything; after all, you claimed that’s what you wanted to do. I’ve tried to push your boundaries to their limit, betraying myself more than anyone else. In other words, I’ve handled this all wrong, and I know I don’t need to apologize to you, I just wanted you to know that I’m forgiving myself and moving forward; just like you would want me to.
I like talking to you; it makes me think about new things, and no one else ever does that. It’s depressing that no one is teaching me anything. As My First Love complained about Janet; “She’ll never say the phrase ‘I’ve recently learned...’.”
I want to spend more time out and doing things. I want to spend more time with you. I want to build pillars and carve bowls, and then to eat raspberries out of salty bowls while basking under a many-pillared gazebo on a misty day. And I want you to be there.
I see now that we can be closer now the way we are than if we were the way My Boyfriend and I are. You’re right, it would have to be years. You’re too valuable to me to throw away on sex; after-all, no one really stays friends with their exes. And ex is an ex.
Work with me, help me help myself and let me help you help yourself, would you? Assume that everything I’ve ever said to you has changed somewhat if not entirely.

Atara



Wednesday January, 21st 2008 at 4:15am

I was curled up, comfortable, and theoretically near sleep. The laptop was shut off. The lights are off. The resident male is asleep. And then, I had some thoughts too profound to be ignored.
More and more I realize that My Boyfriend’s mind-set is that this is an exchange of services, and I find the exchange of services themselves without the actual genuine intimacy aspect to be completely worthless. If we’re just trading services, than I’m a cheap whore.
I’ve finally come to a very difficult realization; and that is that everything that sex has to offer is only actually received if you can receive everything it has to offer without having it. To elaborate; sex is good for the body; it’s a healthy exercise. But, if the person you’re having sex with is not “good for you” mentally, then you’re going to go through enough stress to counteract the benefits of the exercise. Sex is a great metal release from stress. But, if the person you’re having it with causes you stress, again, it’s negated. And most importantly, sex is very temporary and in long-term it provides carnal benefits, not life-long fulfilling benefits (in and of itself, not counting children.)
In compilation with these thoughts, I consider recent events: My boyfriend and I didn’t see each other all Sunday, hardly saw each other Saturday either, and then yesterday and today he came home at 2:30am very intoxicated. Both times he asked for sex, verbally, no less. Those are the only words he’s spoked to me in person for two days. The same phrase, “don’t you want to fuck me?” And my reply, “No.” How can I want to have sex with someone I have not seen since Friday?! And to top that off, if I recall correctly we had a dumb quarrel on Friday as well. I handled it well enough then, because things had been going fine then for a long time, but this time I understand the pattern, now I see the common factors.
He is looking for temporary pleasure; he revolves his life around it; weed, hanging out, video games and sex. Aside from that he works, does artistic things and tries to learn to program. No where in there does he try to find meaning in life, self-satisfaction, or does he go out of his way to learn anything that isn’t related to 3D-modeling or something along those lines. He doesn’t retain anything from our “meaningful” conversations because he has no personal opinions about anything that isn’t in the pre-specified categories. Externally, he seems very much like me, and yet internally we’re not anywhere near as alike as I thought.
Of course, on a universal level, we’re all trying to cope with the fact that life is full of suffering, and some of us are just doing better than others. My method has been to hitch on to one person and try to revolve my life around that one person. Is it possible for this to work? Sure, if you find another person willing to do the same thing for you who is available for at least half your waking hours, and all of your sleeping ones. Probable? Not really.
In this new world of understanding I have also realized that the people who like me are the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. The more intelligent, the more they like me. This makes sense in retrospect to what I just said about knowledge and compassion. The more intelligent the person, the more they recognize the possibility of gaining a “intimate” (in the completely non-traditional sense) relationship with me through my honesty, openness, directness, and compassion for others.
Starting with this positive self-image, I can work on my judgmental habits and my one-person habit...






Wednesday January, 21st 2008 at 3:39pm

Books change a person’s life. I knew that, and yet, I didn’t know that, if you know what I mean. It’s so different to ‘understand a concept’ and to see the impact of that concept in your day to day experiences. You may follow along when someone talks about a loved one who died, but until it actually happens you don’t realize how much you missed while they were speaking.