Pat,
I respect what you’re saying. But what do you REALLY think I’m trying to do here? Erin is not going to be at any parties or events, he’s just renting me the location. In fact, I’ve had him stop talking to Jasmine because he obviously gives people the creeps. He’s not talking to anybody but me now. He’s not involved, he’s just renting me the space.
Second of all, what do you think I’m going to have going on at these parties? You make it sound like I’m going to let thirteen year old girls shoot coke or something. I would never allow something like that! I especially wouldn’t allow someone to try a drug out that they’ve never done before under the name of a Social Club that belongs to me. In fact, I wouldn’t let that happen in front of me anywhere!
What are you trying to imply? That this guy is going to have sex with these teens? That I’m doing to be providing crack? That’s what it sounds like to me, and there is no way in the world I’d do something like that. How are you going to try and stop me from giving kids a place to go?
What I really want is to encourage young people to vote, and to eat organic food, and to take an interest in a hobby, but I know I can’t just start with that. I’ve tried. Kids don’t come to something they think is for their education or betterment for the most part. So I’m starting with parties, and between the parties and meetings I’m sure I’ll find people I can help.
It’s better they come to a Social Club party and someone sells them some drugs, and they get trashed and are taken care of then if they show up at some stranger’s house with friends, get fucked up, raped, and wake up in a ditch. Kids are going to party, and kids will get a hold of drugs, no matter what I do or don’t do, but at least this way they’ll be fed, and housed, and have opportunities to do more with their life.
I admit that Erin is only letting me use the space to start this thing because he wants to make money off of it, but the fact that he’s ‘dirty’ as you said he is, is irrelevant even if it’s true. Because he’ll never meet the members, or even the staff. That’s my job.
If you get in the way of this I’m going to have no choice but to fight back, and it seems to me like you’re a nice guy, and on top of that, you’re Jasmine’s friend, so I’d much prefer that you were my ally, not my enemy. As I said, what do you really think I’m trying to do? You make it sound like I’m evil or something.
I love this city too. I care about the health of my generation. My generation is disgusting, and I’m going to try and get on their level, by giving them parties, and from there, after gaining their respect as the coolest party hostess, I’ll be able to really speak to them. What’s wrong with that? As if a bunch of teenagers dancing all night is bad for the city or something! For goodness sakes they’ll get some much-needed exercise and self-expression.
So please, please, please, stop flaming this operation.
Phoenix
Rocsanne,
So here's the story, and the whole story.
My boyfriend didn't ask for your number because he thinks that Raph is going to be upset. He says you were talking about having a four-some with us and stuff, sounds like good stuff. Raph doesn't look like my type, but he can have a taste of me if I can have a taste of you. :)
My friend Tina and her friends invited My boyfriend and I out to Canada to go to a strip club tomorrow night. There should be room enough (3 cars, but who knows how many people are really going) for you to come, and maybe Raph too.
How serious are you and Raph? I won't tell, you can be honest with me about anything. I'm honest about everything cause I don't have shit to hide from anybody. You'll learn that about me fast when/if we meet.
Write back soon.
~Phoenix
PS: I don’t know if you know this about me, but I don’t drink, smoke, eat sugar, etc, anymore. I care about my health too much for that stuff. So don’t let it weird you out or anything. Some people think that makes me an alien or something.
Rocsanne writes me back:
Wow, you sound amazing. i dont think raph is really into doing the whole 5 sum thing or even do anything in like that matter he wants to be serious with me and we been dating for like 4 days now. and he is afraid that i will get feeling for cor and I wont because i’ve had plenty of 3 sums a wile back...he said he would not know really what to do to be honest. When corv told me that you wanted to have your first 3 sum i was like wow your chic is totally fuckable i love goth chicks i used to be goth myself and then now im just laying down to skateboard clothing corv told me to go back to goth cuz he said that would be so awsom.but on the subject yeah honestly i think your immaculate and beautiful and yes, fuckable.
I wrote her:
I can see in my head the smile My boyfriend had.... lol. So what's good with going to a strip club (in canada) tomorrow night? And what's good with you dressing goth? And what's good with your digits?
*smooch*
PS:
Even if you did have a “feeling” for My boyfriend, he’s taken anyway. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and every time we meet a chick we both like she’s either straight or prude. I’m not really a three-some virgin, but damn-near. All my three-some experiences were lame as can be. Anyway, you’re welcome to come over. 583 W. Utica St.... Yo, if you wanna come to the club tomorrow just bring your ID and your birth certificate to Hardcore and be there at 11:00pm when he get’s out of work and you can get picked up with him.
I’m done screaming. It’s not worth it, is it? I don’t even know what’s worth it and what isn’t! I feel like... Like... I’m helpless. How many times have I written those words?
I’m tired of... I don’t even have the strength to argue my point anymore.
Laura,
I was looking at your photos, and I was going to leave a comment, but then as I started to write it, it got very long, and then it got personal, so I thought perhaps I should just write you instead.
You know how real friends are supposed to be honest with you? Well, I'm going to try and be a real friend and be very honest with you. You're a very, very beautiful girl. But no matter what the populous thinks, you are overweight. You have such a pretty face, and obvious assets, that if you were to slim down, you'd look like a model. And I hate to sound shallow, but I'd probably be very apt to take you home with me now and then as well if that were the case.
And I don't mean by starving yourself. Unlike other teenagers your age, you don't have the metabolism to handle eating junk food and high fructose corn syrup. The rest of them will probably gain weight, and start to lose their health in their late twenties, but for you, it'll happen sooner.
I'm telling you this because you're my friend, and I care about you. I know I'm always ranting about this health stuff, and I know it drives everybody crazy, but I rant about it because it upsets me to see people hurting themselves, especially people I care about. Especially when I know how to help, but nobody wants to listen.
If you want to heed my words, don't try to starve yourself, and don't try to change your whole diet or lifestyle at once. Just start by not eating high fructose corn syrup. It's the first and biggest step, and also the hardest for most people. If you want to take the second step as well, that is to not eat within two hours of going to sleep.
I'll see you tomorrow. :)
~Phoenix
I haven’t been writing. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I’m reading the best fantasy book I ever read. “Breath and Bone” which is the second book in a two-book series. The first one is “Flesh and Spirit.” Incredible plot, incredible characters, incredible mysteries. It’s just wonderful.
It also has to do with the Social Club. The websites always need updating and checking, and the phones always need answering. Paper always needs sorting. Forms and flyers always need printing. Always someone to talk to, always somewhere to go. At least I’m not bored. I’m just anxious for this to start paying off tomorrow at the first party.
It’s Valentine’s day. I ought to work on doing something for My boyfriend at this point. Since I’m without a printer there isn’t much more I can do today towards tomorrow. Man it’s not good that I can’t print. It’s not good at all.
Today is going to be a rough day. About twenty five different things can go wrong, from damages to under-staffing to nobody showing up. I’m worried, but somehow, I’m also confident at the moment. Let’s see how long that lasts.
Saturday, February 16th 2008 at 5:55pm
Confidence has long since drained out of me.
It sickens me how stupid everything and everyone can be. I’ve been so long without my hobbies and projects that I hardly know where to go with them and whence I am.
Thieves. I hate thieves. Even more than I hate liars, and I hate liars a lot. Though I probably don’t hate liars as much as I hate being called a liar.
I refuse to be stressed out. Stress accelerates aging. I will warm up, I will relax. I will eat. No matter that I have no time to write this entry. No matter that I should be making phone calls, reading messages, writing messages... The floor isn’t clean. The clothes aren’t clean. This house is still a bundle of clutter. I wish I could make cleaning it up my first priority. Cleaning should be my hobby until this house is in order.
Unfortunately, right now, socializing with teenagers in the hopes of gaining revenue seems to be my hobby right now. I’m getting so that I can hardly stand it. The only socializing I can do all day, all night and still not be tired of is with My boyfriend. I have a high tolerance for my mom despite the bundle of problems surrounding her and within her. But I’m sick of Tim, the owner of the house of the social club location to the point of insanity.
I’m sick of teens that are supposedly mature, and supposedly smart who just act like bumbling idiots when it comes down to it. Oh, have I forgotten my composure? Oops.
Okay. Let’s try this again. I’m optimistic about the second party tonight despite the thievery, damages, lies, arguments, mismanagement, minimal income, and general disappointments of last night. I still believe this can be profitable and worth while.
The real problem is drugs. Nobody in Buffalo wants to do anything without drugs. I gained my popularity just under a year ago because I threw these crazy parties in my poor excuse for an apartment with rampant alcohol, weed and sometimes (though not of my doing) ecstasy as well. No one really danced, but we played music.
Everyone seemed to love them, except me. I was sick of the cleaning, sick of minding what people were doing, sick of looking out for theft, sick of preparing for it, just to pick up after it. Sick of providing. Sick of being the go-to. It was too much, and so I quit.
This same group of people who attended those parties are (pretty much) the same people who’re playing at being my staff. I say playing at, because only three, maybe four of them are worth being called staff. Tina, while being mature, is limited in what she can do, being seven months pregnant and all. (The first being a product of the latter.)
Angel being moderately trustworthy is moderately useful, but the number of claims against him makes him questionable, not to mention his extremely loud manner. There is a handful of girls I learned last night that I can’t trust worth a hill of beans. Though Laura and Megan seem to be able to do a decent job, and are at least trustworthy if not perfect staff.
And what to do about the low turn out of people? And what to do about the theft? What to do...
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