My boyfriend is being very cooperative today. We cleaned together. We stood up the futon on it’s end, cleaned out everything from under the bed (mostly My boyfriend’s hair and various pairs of my panties) and swept, and mopped. I rearranged my crafting table, he rearranged his office space. I didn’t do anything with my desk, but it’s still a large improvement to the room.
What’s even better is he danced with me when I put the music on. We listened to his music for a while, and then my music for a while, and then I requested silence and he complied. So in short, the day is going well. And despite how much I probably should write a real entry, I’m going to play Diablo II with him... *sigh*
My boyfriend and I are trying to remember what happened Wednesday so we can put it on the chart. But neither of us can remember for sure. It’s hilarious. There is no journal entry from either of us on that day, and no other evidence either of us can come up with as to what we did. This is the only thing I have, (from my hours record): “Requested more adds. Found more staff for party. Created more packets. Designed new site.”
Interesting that would be all there is. Interesting...
I feel that yesterday brought My boyfriend and I closer. We discussed a number of important matters pertaining to our relationship and lives in general.
Hm, the granola I just ate... Is oddly making me feel very sick to my stomach. I hate to lay back down again... So much I want to accomplish today that has naught to do with the Social Club for once. I’m most certainly taking this day off from that. It’s tempting to simply read my book until I’m finished. The last few chapters of “Breath and Bone” are but a few hours reading time away from completion. I don’t want the book to end.
Oh good, my stomach doesn’t seem as unsettled as I thought. Come to think of the Social Club I come to realize there is a meeting next Monday I have yet to mark on the website. Alan is supposed to meet with us.
My boyfriend doesn’t want me to be involved with this Social Club anymore. Saturday night I cried for a long time, retelling the stories of the things that happened Friday night after I had left everything in the supposedly capable hands of my staff. Attempted suicide. Broken doors. Broken wall. Stolen CDS. Stolen chips. Broken doorknob. Soda all drank. Trash everywhere. Etc.
I was so upset that no one had followed directions. The bouncers were the ones that needed bouncing. The supervisors needed supervision. The coordinator needed coordination. The food servers ate the food they were supposed to protect from been overly eaten. It was ridiculous.
My boyfriend says he wants to provide for me...
*ring, ring, ring* Some idiot calling me on my My boyfriend phone, instead of my Social Club phone. I called them back on my Social Club phone. It was one of my staff who failed terribly. One of my Supervisors. Heh. She wanted to know when the next meeting is. Friday at 5:00pm I said. I need to post that on our site...
Think twice about Sugar!
"Be mine." "Hot stuff." "Kiss me."
Cute messages of love on a classic Valentine's Day candy – the biggest selling sweet other than chocolate for February 14th.
But not the sweetest message you could give to the planet, or your body. Here are the top three reasons why Valentine's conversation hearts are not eco-friendly:
#1 – Sugar
Did you know that sugar production around the world is damaging natural treasures like the Great Barrier Reef off Australia's coast and the Everglades wetlands in Florida?
According to WWF International, 121 countries produce the annual 145 tons of sugar the world eats. And unfortunately, this sugar cane and sugar beets are grown with plenty of pesticides and create toxic runoff into soil and water.
The Sugarcane Production and Environment Report (PDF) notes that it takes a whopping 1,500-3,000 liters of water to produce just 1 kg of sugar. Refining factories regularly belch out soot, ash, and other solids, while ammonia is released during sugar processing.
Better management practices could make sugar a cleaner product. But until cane growers agree to be sustainable, consumers might want to make more informed choices.
It'd be great if we could find more fair-trade sugar, but in the meantime, it's not a bad idea to cut back on sugar. Easier on the waistline, not to mention the intestines, anyway.
#2 – Corn syrup
Next in the original recipe for Necco's Sweethearts Conversation Hearts is corn syrup. Now, we're not positive if this is the awful high-fructose corn syrup that's in so many of our processed foods (and has been directly linked to the American obesity crisis – if you didn’t know, one in three of us is over-weight and headed for diabetes, cancer or alzheimer's at a shocking rate). But any kind of corn syrup has little to recommend it.
Corn is massively over-farmed and subsidized in the U.S., (with the US government spending 30 billion a year to make it) and this is causing a host of environmental problems right on our doorstep. Grist points out that corn farmers pour 10 billion pounds of fertilizer on their fields every year, and this junk washes down the Mississippi River into the Gulf of Mexico. The waste creates a giant algae bloom known as the "Dead Zone" that kills fish and marine plants.
#3 – Gelatin
Number three in the recipe and the third reason these seemingly innocent treats aren't so innocent for the eco-minded. This is the stuff we usually associate with wiggly-jiggly Jello. Gelatin is often used in candies and desserts as a stabilizer or to simulate the mouth-feel of fat.
If you weren't aware of it already, gelatin comes from animals. Specifically, it's the boiled-down collagen from connective tissues, bones, and skin of cattle and pigs.
As we've noted before, raising livestock for food is pretty inefficient and produces far more greenhouse gases than eating a plant-based diet. You don't have to be hardcore about it – just cutting back on animal products a few days each week for a more flexitarian lifestyle is earth-friendly.
Instead of candy hearts...
Want some alternatives to those candies? If you're the sentimental type, buy a pack of recycled-content pink construction paper, cut it into big heart shapes, and write your own sweet messages on each heart.
Scatter them around your Valentine's house, tuck one in your love's briefcase or purse, sneak one in the car before your loved one drives off to work – this will be a Valentine's Day to remember!
Or if your babe prefers something edible, go for fair-trade or organic chocolates. That'll guarantee a gift that's rich, decadent, and sweet on Mother Earth too. (Not to mention won’t send your loved one into inflamation of the gut, or the gene-altering cycle that sugar causes within our blood stream leading us towards chronic diseases!)
For your wife or girlfriend you also might want to try running a warm bath with rose petals and scented oils and heating up their towel in the dryer. Much more romantic than cheap candies that hurt the earth and body!
For your husband or boyfriend you also could try greeting him at the door, taking his coat, shoes, scarf, hat, gloves (etc) and leading him into the dinning room where you have prepared a home cooked candle-lit dinner with organic meats, fresh or steamed vegetables, and brown rice. This will not only be a great alternative to candy, but it will also be healthy, romantic, and eco-friendly!
Nathan,
It’s not that I couldn’t give the virtual ring back at the time, it’s that he didn’t want it back anymore because he was mad at me for taking it. Yes, I’m aware that game items can be sold for money, but neither My boyfriend or I am involved in such things.
As for living on my own, the thought frightens me and excites me both. But my parents are rather agreeable. I think my presence here helps, and I know the presence of my mother helps me.
Hallie,
I’ve actually considered that before. That perhaps Brianna left My boyfriend because My boyfriend was sexist and winy or whatever. But she did do some fucked up thinks, according to My boyfriend, of course. For example, when their baby was born and he came to the hospital, she told him he shouldn’t have come, without explanation. She spent more time with her friends than she did with him. (He realizes now that he’d been doing the same to me which made him change his ways quite a bit over the past month.) And while she might not have been a total bitch, she wasn’t affectionate or kinky in the ways that My boyfriend is, so it would have been hard for her to ever understand or accept him, or for him to do likewise for her.
I can see why she left him based on the character My boyfriend has described of her. She was undoubtedly bored. My boyfriend loves computers, video games, art, sex and affection. She loved socializing, partying, getting fucked up, and talking. She was a Christian, and he is a Satanist (or so he calls himself anyway), which of course would never work. From my perspective, their pairing was as bad as mine with Travanti. Simply would never work no matter how you look at it.
On the other topic you commented about a while back... I probably am not an emotionally healthy adult yet. After all, I have not been single since I was eleven, and I’ve been thinking that this means that I have never known myself as just myself. I’ve always been me and someone else for as long as my memory can really stretch.
Just last night I was thinking that our relevant memory lasts about a year. Because now I find it difficult to recall many things about Tre. I don’t remember what the arguments were really like, or how the ups and the downs of the relationship really went. All my relevant memories are consumed by My boyfriend. I was thinking that without having a year of being single, I have forgone ever having all of my relevant memories being of self, and only self. Chances are, based on that, that I will never be emotionally independent as most young women become at this point in their life.
I can’t see how my parents really affect that any further. I see my mom a lot, yes. We talk everyday, and we go places together, but for the most part, I feel like going downstairs is visiting her, and like her coming upstairs is visiting me. It’s as though this really is an apartment for me. But, you’re right that I’m not an emotional independent adult, I just think it has more to do with my lack of being single than my lack of living away from home.
Newlywedbliss,
Glad to have your input. I hope to hear more from you in the future.
Tater,
As you’ve probably already read, My boyfriend and I moving anywhere is an unlikely event at this point in time. My boyfriend and I have been thinking along the lines of finishing this house once for all, buying it from my parents and keeping it after they’re gone and raising our kids here. It’s not set in stone, but it’s the plan for now.
I simply don’t know what to do about birth control. I started out on the pill when I was 11 or 12 or so. At first it seemed okay. But I kept forgetting to take them, causing my period to come off schedule. I wasn’t aware then of my body’s reaction to everything I ingested, so the only things I noticed were that when I forgot to take it, and took double that sometimes I would get cramps, or bleed-through, and for some odd reason they suddenly started to make me nauseated.
The little round green thing was so small, but it bothered me more than the large white calcium. I couldn’t stand it’s sugary smell, or the texture of the small smooth thing on my tongue. Without juice I refused to take it. I began to hate the things, and loathe taking them.
When the patch came out when I was fourteen or so, I was delighted. All I had to do was change it once a week and I was home free! Three patches a month, how much simpler could it be? I noticed no difference in sexual appetite, no difference in moods. Just seemed like it was harmless.
Maybe my body changed over the years of maturing in such a way that my body started to disagree with the thing. My breasts grew after changing to the patch, which I hadn’t realized was a direct result. They swelled and then, around a year ago when I met My boyfriend they started to hurt. I was 17 at the time, and hadn’t noticed how much they hurt to be touched until starting off in a new relationship full of affection.
Oddly, after wearing them for so long I started forgetting to change them on time too. Who knows why. This only made matters worse I assume.
A mystery hit me when I had sex with My boyfriend for around the sixth or seventh time and it hurt terribly. I had never felt it hurt like that except during a yeast infection and assumed that was what it was. Online friends confirmed that often they would get a yeast infection when changing partners, so I assumed that’s what it was. Though fear of a genital disease plagued me.
I went to get it checked out and to my complete confusion I did not have an STD, or a yeast infection. So why did it hurt to use the bathroom and to have sex? Why did I spend a week crying in the bathtub trying not to scratch?
It went away and stayed away for months so I assumed that what ever it was, was gone for good. I nearly forgot about it until it happened again. And the second time it seemed to never go away. I waited for three weeks to have sex again, but within two or three times of having sex it was hurting again. I made another visit to the GYN and they said the same thing, no yeast, no disease.
So why did it feel like my insides were on fire?
I tried waiting it out over and over again, but every time it came back. We got down to having sex once a week, at times. It was embarrassing. Coriver thought I was exaggerating the level of pain, but I wasn’t.
I asked the doctor then about the breast soreness the next time I came in, practically given up on the fire in between my legs that had no answer. She said that the breast pains could very well be caused by the patch. She suggested pills and I refused. She suggested the shot and I refused. She showed me the new item, the nueva ring, which is a flexible insert.
At first I was elated. It was easy to put in, easy to take out, and I only needed one a month! One week into it, the spot on the inside that gives me pleasure seemed to disappear. “No pleasure in sex anymore, sorry!” The ring seemed to say. And then, on top of it, with each day to follow it began to hurt more and more. It seemed to get hotter than normal inside, and my skin felt raw exactly where the ring was located on the inside.
Disgusted, angry, and upset discussed it with My boyfriend, and we decided to be rid of it. Since I already had a follow-up scheduled for January of 2008 I didn’t bother to go in. Instead we tried condoms.
Ha. That was a fine idea, wasn’t it? You would think that. Except that no matter how wet I got the friction seemed to sop all of it up, and My boyfriend’s wetness could not aid me at all. It caused even more pain. Yes, yes, I know there all kinds of lubricants out there, but they don’t smell or taste like sex, and neither My boyfriend or I want anything to do with them. By the time you have a condom and fake juices, what’s left to enjoy!?
We spent a blissful couple of months using the not-so-recommenced pull-out method. My sex drive seemed to become normal again. My moods balanced out over some time, and I felt more alive. My breasts shrunk down to their normal size and stopped hurting entirely! And the fire between my legs was finally gone. It was indeed the birth control all along! I was free, I was happy. Even my sleep was better.
So I go into my appointment in January and to my dismay I am prescribed with pills, because what else can I do? I set my phone alarm to remind me to take them. I’ve not forgotten them thus far. But to my utter disgust, just under two weeks into taking them, last night, we go to have sex, and for no apparent reason my insides hurt, and burn. Every stroke makes it worse until I burst into tears, and jerk away. The nauseating sensation was bad enough every time I took the pill, but I will not tolerate having extremely slow sex once a week because anything else will feel like knives. That’s just ludicrous!
What good is birth control if I can’t have sex while I’m on it? What good are condoms if they turn pleasure into pain as well? I feel hopeless to please My boyfriend now, or even myself.
Needless to say, I didn’t take my pill last night. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I almost forgot to mention some other disturbing experiences since I started the pill. I've been extremely tired, and I now notice looking back on it that I slept tons better while I was off of birth control completely. I also notice that this has increased my appetite and that I've been suddenly craving foods I have not even thought about eating in a long time (like potato chips, pizza, french fries, hamburgers, chicken nuggets and white rice) and it's also made me feel this odd sort of distance from the world.
I would brush all of that off as being "all in my head" except for the fact that I didn't expect any of those things to happen, but all of those things did happen, and I couldn't figure out why, and then I suddenly realized that it all began about two days into taking the pill.
I'm not supposed to react to it for much longer than that, but then again, my mom cuts her caffeine pills into quarters, and if she takes one of those quarter-pills too late into the day she can't sleep. Let's remember than her and I share half of our genetics.
This world and it's creations often disgust me, especially at times like these. I feel poisoned.
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