It is 1:03pm at the moment.
I’m not feeling particularly energetic this morning. Perhaps it has to do with getting to sleep around five in the morning. Or perhaps it has to do with Mary’s birds wailing constantly for over an hour this morning. Either way, I hurt darn-near everywhere.
I could blame it on the small bit of non-organic chicken I ate last night. Could it be related to the burps and stomach pains I had last night? When I ate the organic chicken, I didn’t have a problem at all. Is the amount of steroids in the meat effecting me that much?
Everything else I ate yesterday were things that never give me problems. Water, potatoes, lima beans, rice-crisps, pistachios, and organic granola with rice milk mixed with almond milk. The only item out of place was the drum-stick of chicken I ate, skin still attached. I also ate off the ends of the bone and sucked the marrow. I need as much calcium as I can get, you know.
But perhaps that was a bad idea. The stricter I get with my diet the more healthy I feel. And organic eggs really do seem to be more filling and tasty. That could be mostly in my head, but chickens who get exercise, are not fed steroids, but instead, good food, probably do have healthier eggs, right?
It is 4:27pm at the moment.
I’m pondering a large number of things at the moment. Moving in somewhere with Tina. Selling things on e-bay. Fixing the attic. Marrying My boyfriend. Becoming the coordinator, director and designer of a teen social club for western new york. Rereading Flesh & Spirit soon so that I can finally start the second book which I believe has already come in the mail. My boyfriend’s Tattoo Flash endeavor. It’s an awful lot to ponder all at once, and even more to try and compile into some organized, well-reasoned, point-oriented entry.
Wednesday the 18th of January, 2008.
It is 3:20pm at the moment.
I’ve been reading My boyfriend’s old entries and I realize that a large problem we had was simply my talking to Tre over the phone. It made him bottle an anger he wasn’t quite sure he should have or not. It made him question if he was good enough. It made him question if I wanted him or not. Sadly I realize now that even though I didn’t sleep with Tre again after he moved and everything, or anyone else for that matter, it still wasn’t enough. The fact of the matter is, men need to be the one and only man. Some women can handle being one of two, but I don’t think any man really can.
Just talking about Tre was too much. I realize now that a lot of the things he was doing was simply acting like he was single, because he didn’t feel like I was serious. He laughed me and my words off for so long. It’s only after being loyal in words, actions, and mind for several months that he’s finally become stumped as to what I could be doing wrong in our relationship.
He says to me now that he wants to stay in with me, that he doesn’t want to drink anymore, ever. It’s not him just bending to my will, it’s his will changing because of what he believes is true between him and I. He said to me last night, "It would be such a waste for two people as good together and right for each other as you and I to be separated on the account of bitch ass niggas."
Perhaps that wasn’t his exact words, but I’ll guarantee he’d agree to that wording.
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