This new online game is like the coolest game ever. At least, it’s the best game since Civilization IV anyway. It’s the first step towards the computer game I want to see.
I just got up.
My mind likes me. It really does. It’s logical for me, it comes to conclusions for me, it lets me will myself to eat right, exercise, have fun playing games, to allow myself to feel bliss when I’m with My boyfriend...
My body fucking hates me. Last week... Was it Tuesday? I started getting a yeast infection. Another goddamned yeast infection. I don’t eat sugar, I barely eat bread, I don’t wear a lot of tight jeans, and I actually wear a lot less black underwear than I used to.
But I know that isn’t all the factors in getting a yeast infection. There is also cleanliness which has been difficult since the bathroom has been under construction for over a month. Let me tell you, it ruins your dignity to stand in a turkey pan in front of the kitchen sink (and window) and washed yourself with water that you boiled on the stove, poured into the sink, and then let fall down into the turkey pan. The pan of course, needs to be frequently emptied however, not because it’s full, but because the water turns cold freezing my feet.
Now out of a month, how many times do you think I really went through all that hassle? I’ve never been one of those have-to-be-perfectly-clean-or-I-will-die people anyway, but this is just ridiculous. I do use wipes to ensure that there isn’t a build-up of nastiness down there or something, but I really don’t think it was the lack of cleanliness that caused the infection either.
There are two variables pertaining to the vaginal area that I noticed happened to be the same with this infection and the last. (And perhaps the one before that though my memory is foggy.) I shaved right before getting the infection, and two, I started using the wipes my mom uses. (I think they might be Scott wipes. They’re cheap and small and don’t smell to pretty and aren’t very soft.)
Whenever I shave it causes irritation during sex, so I don’t why I did it again when I had already connected those two dots. It was just a habit, and standing in the turkey pan I wanted some sort of normalcy! Well, for me, I think yeast infections are as normal as eating, sleeping and pissing. It’s some royal bull shit.
Talk about cock envy! I dream about having a cock. No more squatting. No more being helpless to give myself an orgasm. No more yeast infections. No more period. No more cramps. No more worrying about childbirth or pregnancy. My only worry would be it’s goddamned size, and if it’s small than I’ll just get an Asian girl. I have genuine, literal cock-envy and I admit it. I worship cock and how uncomplicated it is.
I’ve never met an impotent man. My boyfriend is always ready, while my pussy protests, becomes dry, becomes infected, becomes sore, becomes anything but freaking useful! Sometimes I wish the thing would just fall off!
I’ve never been free of bodily issues. When I was a toddler I was too tired to go tricker-treating. I always managed to get enough bug bites to look like I had chicken-pocks, and then my dumb naive mind decided to scratch them all until they bled, and them some more. I had chicken-pocks twice. I had mono four times between age 9 and age 14. I got my teeth punched in at age 11 and ate through a straw for over a week, and then nothing but soft foods for a month.
And my first yeast infection when I was 10 or so. My period started in school, and was so heavy, and always leaking all over the place. I had cramps that made me double over, sometimes cry, sometimes not leave the bathtub (very similarly to the yeast infections that made me refuse to pee for eight hours at a time.) Then there is my six-year-old bladder which causes me to pee every half and hour like a pregnant woman. (Tina is seven months pregnant and we pee just as often!)
I was constantly constipated as a child as well. Sitting on toilet at six years old for twenty or thirty minutes at a time, sweating. And to think this is only the beginning of the list... What about the year I spent burping constantly and frequently having painful burps that caught in my chest?
Most of those things went away after I gave up sugar (all sugar alternatives and forms including molasses and brown sugar), white bread, pasta, meat that isn’t free-range/organic, coffee and caffeine in general, smoking weed, and drinking. It made the painful burps and stomach aches go away. It gave me more energy, and I wasn’t tired all the time for the first time in my life.
But now... Now I have a whole other something inexplicable! One week of a yeast infection (mostly itchy, mildly burning, unlike my childhood yeast infections which barely ever itched at all but burned like hell when I peed) and then, the day it starts to get better, on Monday, I start getting this odd pain in my knees.
I guess to myself that this pain is directly related to the odd positions I’ve been sitting in. I’ve been sitting with my feet under my ass, and a cold bottle between my legs in front of my computer in order to relieve the itching of the infection, causing a good deal of knee strain for hours upon hours. So I stopped sitting in the various knee-straining positions, but as the night wore on my shoulders began to hurt, and then my right wrist, right ankle, my hips, then my left thumb.
I thought perhaps I was just getting very tired and needed to sleep. I limped to bed with My boyfriend, and he took care of me, brought me things I needed. In bed, with him to wait on me, I almost felt fine. The itching had mostly stopped, and the stiff joints were not so noticeable while laying in one spot.
(Did I write about New Years Eve when I decided to eat some of my mother’s blue-berry pandowdy? It only had a cup of white sugar in the whole pan. Only some white bread. I only had a very small bowl full. Oh god what an idiot! Within minutes my hands began to sweat, my stomach began to turn, and it began to hurt so much that I stopped playing the board game, left for the bathroom and didn’t return for a very, very long time. I put a finger down my throat for the first and only time in my life, over and over and over again until the pain was gone. You have no idea how done with sugar and white flour I am. They are toxic. Maybe more so for my body than yours, but trust me when I say that it will catch up with you.)
So Monday night I get to sleep... And Tuesday morning I wake up, still in achy pain, but not so bad. I limp a little, but I can get around. Surely I’m fine. But as the day continues it gets worse, and worse, and worse. At one point, I stand up from my computer to pee (as I do so very often) and I step forward, and then this blinding pain goes through my left knee, and I try to step forward but there is no response from my left leg. (For fucking Christ’s sake, I’m fucking nineteen! This isn’t supposed to be happening to me!) I make something like a hop, or a shuffle forward with my right leg, trying to catch my balance on the desk, on My boyfriend, on anything, but my hands are weak, my shoulders are sore, and the next thing I know I’m falling... Falling is so scary. Thank goodness I wasn’t more than foot away from my chair and simply fell backwards right into it. Some other places in my room would have been awful places to fall.
Now I’m crawling. I can’t really stand anymore. My left leg won’t take any weight at all. My boyfriend took off Monday and Tuesday (mostly for me, but partly from how tired he was from taking care of me through the night) and he carried me to the from the bathroom a number of times, other times I just leaned on him. He sat me up in bed, and laid me back down again. How embarrassing. But oh how grateful I am.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. So far I’ve taken five pills of a calcium, magnesium, and zinc complex, but that’s about all I can think of to help. I don’t even know if rest or exercise is better for whatever is wrong with me. The war between my body and me is officially on, and somehow I don’t feel like I’m going to win.
PS: I really have dreamed that I had a cock before, multiple times in fact. Undoubtedly I was a man in my most recent lifetime.
PSS: Shit, I have to pee again, this isn’t going to be fun...
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